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Virus in my Hide

What is inside me?
A virus of sorts,
Digging away through my soon-to-be corpse;
Its alias cloaked,
It's purpose obliged
To remain and keep digging throughout my own hide.

Author notes

If you think up a stanza to add to this poem, post it in a comment. If I like it enough, I will add it with credit to the writer.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Sokarjo
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    I strongly disagree with the last comment; I much prefer your style. It sounds excellent to me. Again, your flow and rhyme are flawless in my eyes. I'm curious as to what the disease is, but there are a multitude of things it could very well be...

    I doubt I can get close to the talent you have, but here's my attempt, since you requested:

    Dig deeper, it shall
    This inner disease
    Rotting and creeping in gradual degrees
    What is inside me?
    A virus of sorts
    Completely consuming my soon-to-be-corpse


  • yael
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    asking a question at the beginning but then answering it in detail kind of makes the question seem out of place. maybe if you said "A virus of sorts is inside me" to make it seem more official. just like when youre writing an essay you dont say "i think he is a good king" you just say "he is a good king" it has more power that way.

    i liked the flow of this poem and for some reason it made me feel warm but maybe thats just because its early and my circulation is out of whack.


  • Nobody Important
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    gets the point across well although i half want it to be longer and elaborate on this virus.I like the direct short and sharp way you did it.
    nice one

  • The Inc
    February 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Drastic and deathly. I enjoyed the short and
    simplistic route here. You went straight to
    the main focus. Only suggestions:

    soon to be corpse; >>>> soon-to-be corpse;

    And,

    abliged >>>> should be obliged

    A good write.
    Thank you kindly for sharing with us.
    Keep penning!

    ~The INC."

  • candyhamilton
    February 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    its direct yet left me wanting for more

  • M a r l u x i a
    February 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This could be an add-on if you wanted it to be. I believe AP still does that.
    The simplicity of your words plus the intensity of the meaning makes this short write a great read. Thanks for sharing!

    Thanks for entering A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!

    M a r l u x i a
1 - 6 of 6