Done

Done.
I sit here
Reading, browsing, thinking
And I realize
I just don’t care anymore
I throw myself back
Into the safety of my bed
Trying
Trying so hard to sort all these thoughts out
But I can’t
I notice
How hard I have been trying to distract myself
When I’m no longer doing it
How much my chest aches
No
It doesn’t ache
It hurts
Almost like a physical pain
A disease I must suffer through with no cure
And no matter how many times I write it
No matter how much emotion I try to type down
To get it out of my system
There is more
Always more sitting here inside me
Yet
These feelings leave me empty
so completely empty
Hollow
It actually mystifies me.
Is that possible?
For something to fill your heart up
however painfully
and yet
leaving you feeling like a shell of a person
I dont understand
But there is something I do understand
It was not meant for me
That whole happiness bit
This is what I was destined for
To lie here
Tears refusing to fall, to escape
Hand over my wounds
Trying to force the imaginary pain away
But
It never goes away
Hollow
Don’t worry
I’m too scared to end it
A fucking coward is what I am
What a sad thing I’ve become
I disgust myself
This weakness is almost too much
Almost.
Fucking coward
I'm ashamed
To let anyone see this
This emotional wound
Tearing me apart
So I lay here
Trapped in my self
I take a deep breath
As my door opens
And I’m forced to fake another disgusting smile
That travels nowhere near my eyes
Making my mouth twitch slightly
Hollow
Empty
Pain
Why?
Who cares.
Done.