The sun caresses Child-
Arms of love and light
Dance the circle of life-
Dancing until life is gone,
Child droops,
Melting into nothingness,
Melting into Sun...
Sun laments,
It's joyous dancing partner gone-
Sinks down below the waters
To await another day,
Another life...
Moon struggles with impatience
To rise,
To reign the night,
But Sun is determined to
Have no light on Earth
Until Child is back...
Sun's love for Child
Bursts from it's molten heart-
With it comes Child,
Child of Love,
Burning with togetherness,
Simmering with bonding,
Child is back...
Sun rises to greet Earth
In merry song
Frolicking with Child,
With
Sun s
e
t
Child...
Author notes
This was actually pretty hard to write. The story line is kind of confusing, but I think you will find the poem entertaining!
A contest entry
- What Do You See Now ?? (Round 5) by just mercedes.
550 points, ended January 11, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! II by Nam.
1750 points, ended June 8, 2008, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Critique! I love critical comments!
Comments
-
The ending could either use re-alignment to make the drop read better, or this poem should be left-aligned to better express the drop, in my opinion.
It was sketchy for me here and there with the overall tone; I understand the poem itself, it's simple in its telling yet still strengthens upon that overall visual it's relaying.
A nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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Thank you for your entry to the contest, and your beautiful response to the prompt. You have penned a poem that made me smile, with warmth in my heart. Your use of green, as complement to red, was great. Poetically, I am dancing with the image of Sunset Child, you express yourself very well, and carried the image through flawlessly, while frolicking and enjoying it. Well done.
-
Yes I do find this entertaining. Beautiful words with beautiful expression. Lots of luck to you in the contest. Thanks for sharing.
Brian
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