Breathing in Heaven

I wish I could drown everything in my tears,
let them wash away all the world, and noise
because it hurts so much to drown like I do.
I want you to know how it feels.

To feel the tension in your chest
the difficulty in pulling in a breath.
Thinking you are going to die,
because you can no longer breathe.

I am drowning in tears, my tears,
they are so salty, and warm, and clear
that I want to surrender to them
and just let them wash me clean.

No matter how many tears I cry, I am never clean,
just salty and drenched. They leave me cold,
shivering and alone, wishing I could just die
so that maybe I can finally breathe again.

My tears make me want to kill myself,
so why will they not just end it,
swallow me up and leave me forever untouched
in a tomb of crystal clear droplets?

I have cried enough to drown myself many times over
but I am still here, waiting for the time to finally come
when my tears fill my life and it's gone,
so I can find out if I can breathe in heaven.