I stare at them all through the day
And to me, not a word you say
I'm left to wish and dream and hope
With lonliness, it's hard to cope
I wish that you would look back at me
And see the love I hope you see
For those eyes haunt my dreams
With a feeling, with more love, than it seems
You look somewhere else, with those eyes
And mine? What are they? Some sort of disguise?
Can't you see how much love is there?
When you glance back at my persistent stare?
I've loved you since the first time
I laid eyes on yours, and yours on mine
And apparently you cannot see
What was there, and is still to be
Please answer my unsaid calls
I've passed you in the halls
Wishing that you'd notice my smile
And we'd say "Hi!" once in a while
But maybe I'm hoping for too much
Hoping that when I'm down and broken, you'd be my crutch
My helping hand through the hardships
And to those bad things, our love would eclipse
When I look into those eyes
I know by them, and your gentle sighs
That you love me too and always will
So look at me, with those eyes held still
Author notes
I've been thinking about that someone...they've looked back at me with those gorgeous eyes before, and I've seen what they hide, just by looking. It's the best feeling...I just wish he'd grow a spine so our love could blossom!
2nd in dec-feb contest--name: teddybearhugz
hey broken-princess, I'd like to be ur sis. The name's teddybearhugz...lol
A contest entry
- For the kids 13 and younger: Anything to cheer me! by Sky Prince Ireland.
300 points, ended January 20, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - your best work composed over the last twelve months by Lute.
600 points, ended January 9, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let Your Words Flow, and Your Heart Soar... by The Hidden One.
600 points, ended January 10, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love...Gained or Lost by irishmidnight.
600 points, ended January 10, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best prewrite between december 07 and february 08! by danceswsquirrels.
1910 points, ended April 1, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wanted:AP Family:"think your up for it" by broken-princess.
300 points, ended March 31, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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wow, i have to say that your work is very advanced for your age! I dont think at thirteen I could have written anything as nicely as this. Great Job! Keep up the good work!!!
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I decided to post every ones scores so here's yours! based on every ones votes!
0 gold 0 silver 0 bronze 1 hm .25
Jessa♥
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3
NUMBER IS FOR ME, NOT A PLACEMENT. -
well first off thanks for entering
and i am sorry i know thinking back to the past
with the whole "love" is hard at times
but other times its like you see how far you came along
great poem darling. -
Awww so sweet and what a lovely piece. The eyes are windows to the soul or so I am told. Good luck in the contest. I vote honorable mention.
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Really nice work.
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Enjoyed the flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines; interesting to read the comments below as well. Keep writing -
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VERY NICE! it seemed to have a sense of longing to it... and i liked the ryhme scheme. the flow was good.. basically perfect except for in like 1 spot.. but still. The wording was great!
You look somewhere else, with those eyes
And mine? What are they? Some sort of disguise?
Can't you see how much love is there?
When you glance back at my persistent stare?
^^ those were my favorite lines!
very nice!
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This is a very nice poem. It is wistful, yet happy, yet sad, all at the same time. Keep writing and good luck in the contest!
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I know how u feel, this poem is a perfect description of loving another, and there's nothin better than that felling.
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A very achingly hopeful poem. The aabb rhyme scheme is easy to follow, the rhythm is a little uneven in places, but not bad.
On a personal note, have you considered just walking up to him and saying Hello yourself
lol, might be worth a try!
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Thank you for the comment.
And yes, I have considered it, but I'm too big of a wimp. lol Thanks for the applause, too!
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s s s s s s s s
I stare at them all through the day - (8)
s s s s s s s s
And to me, not a word you say - (8)
s s s s s s s s
I'm left to wish and dream and hope - (8)
s s s s s s s s
With lonliness, it's hard to cope - (8)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s s
I wish that you would look back at me - (9)
s s s s s s s s
And see the love I hope you see - (8)
s s s s s s
For those eyes haunt my dreams - (6)
s s s s s s s s s s
With a feeling, with more love, than it seems - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s
You look somewhere else, with those eyes - (8)
s s s s s s s s s s
And mine? What are they? Some sort of disguise? - (10)
s s s s s s s s
Can't you see how much love is there? - (8)
s s s s s s s s s s
When you glance back at my persistent stare? - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s
I've loved you since the first time - (8)
s s s s s s s s s
I laid eyes on yours, and yours on mine - (9)
s s s s s s s s
And apparently you cannot see - (8)
s s s s s s s s
What was there, and is still to be - (8)
- (0)
s s s s s s s
Please answer my unsaid calls - (7)
s s s s s s s
I've passed you in the halls - (7)
s s s s s s s s
Wishing that you'd notice my smile - (8)
s s s s s s s s
And we'd say "Hi!" once in a while - (8)
- (0)
s s s s s s s s
But maybe I'm hoping for too much - (8)
s s s s s s s s s s s s s
Hoping that when I'm down and broken, you'd be my crutch - (13)
s s s s s s s s
My helping hand through the hardships - (8)
s s s s s s s s s s
And to those bad things, our love would eclipse - (10)
- (0)
s s s s s s s
When I look into those eyes - (7)
s s s s s s s s s
I know by them, and your gentle sighs - (9)
s s s s s s s s s
That you love me too and always will - (9)
s s s s s s s s s
So look at me, with those eyes held still - (9)
It has an
aabbbccxddexxffcxagghhhhhxex
pattern
content-7.2
vocabulary-11
accuracy-7.6
creativity-7.4
theme-7.1
originality-7.1
totals-47.4
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Nicely written. Thanks for entering.
Good luck.
Brian
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