eyes are the window to my soul

eyes are suppose to be the windows to the soul
so why then, are mine black and broken
do you see everything i see inside them
do you see any signs of life, i don’t
i see hate, pain, depression, and darkness
do you see the theft of innocence
from a significant childhood
by a man who forced himself on me
and took something i can never have back
forcing a young girl into womanhood
do you see the pain of losing your mind
after losing your unliving child in your sleep
waking up in blood, at only fourteen years old
do you see the face of fear on a child so young
huddled in the corner watching her parents fight
crying, while her older sister tries to get between them
while this goes on every night for years
their drunken hate against each other
turning into a constant fight for survival
do you see the lies of deceit
after being broken and used by significant others
the ones that say trust me, i could never hurt you
then feel the slap in the face when they try to hold you
telling you they didn’t know what they were thinking
do you feel the intensity of drunk driving
i can, i feel it in a way that no one can understand
i feel my fathers truck slamming into me on the road
and every bruise and scar that came after
do you see daddy’s little girl
getting hit by daddy’s angry wife
and the mother of his precious angel
do you see the years of looking for the perfect release
trying drugs to feel the calmness that overtakes my body
drinking alcohol so soothing as it burns my throat
all just to try to find the sweet release of serenity
do you see the scarlet letters etched into my skin
the story of my life hidden in every scarlet line
watching myself bleed was the only drug that worked
do you understand the temptations, i do
do you see the years of contemplating suicide
thinking of different ways to just, be free
did you see that i tried to be free
did you see that i turned myself in to be with him
then he cheated on me, and i almost succeeded
if i hadn’t vomited in my sleep
do you see daddy’s little whore
using sex as a weapon against myself
having flashbacks of my rape with every thrust
it took me over a year to enjoy sex
can you see it all now, daddy’s little girl
daddy’s little angel, daddy’s little whore
do you see my life, do you see my secrets
do you see my soul through my eyes
i do, i see it all, it’s why i turn my head away
when my lovers try to stare into my eyes
i don’t want them to know i’m scared to be alone with them
i don’t want them to find out that
eyes are the window to the soul