Haphazard hero
in what direction
does your mind grow?
Beyond the antithesis
to reality or
an eternity of lies?
Reluctant savior
are your prepared
to meet your maker?
Beyond the ashes
of an empire
that you, yourself despise?
You're just another
polished turnscrew,
aren't you?
Embellished with
the dignity of
pornographic smiles?
Have you
seen us from
any other view?
Can you feel
the people watching with
contempt, despair, and guile?
I AM
THE SAINTED SERPENT
GRASPING MEANING
AS FORETOLD.
I AM
THE FALLEN GODSEND
YEARNING FOR COMPASSION,
NOT CONTROL.
I AM
THE ONE THAT SLEEPS
INSIDE YOU,
THE DEMONS
THAT YOU
DRIVE OUT.
YOU SAY
I LACK A REASON.
YOUR REASONING
IS COLD.
You know what sleeps
inside me.
You know the dreams
that drive me on.
AND ON YOU CARRY,
SINGING ON.
YOUR REASONING
IS COLD.
YOU ARE
YOUR OWN BURDEN.
YOU ARE THE DEMONS
THAT YOU DRIVE OUT.
YOU FOREVER CARVE
YOUR HEALING HEART OUT.
YOUR REASONING
IS COLD.
Who are you, but,
I, then?
Why give you the
time, when
it is I that I despise,
when I say-
YOUR REASONING IS COLD.
IT IS ONLY YOU YOU LOATHE.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING
AS ANYTHING,
ONLY IMAGES YOU HOLD.
YOU ARE THE MAKER, SLAVE, AND MASTER,
THE FUTURES PRESENT PAST.
I AM THE VOICE YOU NEED TO HEAR YOURSELF.
YOUR REASONING IS COLD.
I am not the whole.
I am not the hole.
I am not a tool.
I am no two tools.
I am finished talking to myself.
WHO ELSE IS THERE, BUT YOURSELF?
Is this my Heaven, or my Hell?
YOUR REASONING IS COLD.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Enjoyed the self reflective aspect of this work, with its quick running flow as well as how it builds to an almost hysterical tone; but you might have repeated the phrase "your reasoning is cold" one or two times too often.
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thanks
but i meant it just the way i wrote it
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Nice
"your reasoning is cold" powerful line, made the entire piece for me. nice job here, strong emotion, though I don't know how I feel about the caps. I guess that's a style thing though.
a few things to consider:
"I AM
THE ONE THAT SLEEPS
INSIDE YOU,
THE DEMONS
THAT YOU
DRIVE OUT." this seems to break flow. perhaps consider connecting "the demons/that you/drive out" in their own stanza. that would also isolate "you say/i lack a reason", which could make it stand out more.
"IT IS ONLY YOU YOU LOATHE." this sounds awkward. try adding something between "you" like "it is only you whom you loathe". just glance over it.
"THE FUTURES PRESENT PAST" i have to say I really like this line. though, "futures" = "future's" minor grammatical error
nice work.
Axel Gold -
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ok
the caps seperate speakers, the spoken flow is obvious and so literal spacing only for the seperation and forced deliberation of thoughts, the two "you"s next to each other made you stop for a moment, which is why you don't like it, but it was intended, and anything between the two would be a redundant reiteration of what has already been made clear, and "the futures present past" is meant as 'the futures present (as in to give, as in a presentation of giving) the past'. Again, said in a complicated for you to deliberate over.
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