So cold my heart
After torn with talons
So greatly infected
With his demons
Care less as my blood
Streams down heavy
Drops freeze in air
Then shatter
My eyes swell with grief
As he pierced me true
With his ale-ridden words
And crushed me
Why do I stay
And slowly corrode?
I'm poised and fashioned
To be his dog
But I love this scum
I love this dirt
Someday I'll save him
Despite that I'll drown
Comments
-
I have read this three times and still find the second stanza, as I come back again to comment on it, is a poem within a poem, all by itself ... but then, so are several of the stanzas, as though you write within a shattered self, as your heart grows cold, its blood going shattered into air, unwilling to remain warm, for what good is it now... it is significant to me, this poem, because it is so complex in so many ways; for instance, the second stanza and the final stanza operate like a swell and a release, as the last line of the poem ... fluid ...
fluid from giving such essence as you have to give, which freezes outside of you, but now, with the giving, engorges you and destroys you ... for will he not exchange himself with you? ... will you simple have a swell within a release with no outlet? ...
ok. I've gotten myself in over my head
... but there is something in this poem, which in a less competent hand would simply descend into adolescent whining, but here, from your soul and heart lies something upon the page which, like a seed, rises up and sings a melancholy truth.. and bravely
peace to you
,,,Moqui
-
Wow... This is another one of my favourite songs, and you have painted quite the lovely picture with your words. The fourth stanza was the one that hit me hardest... It just seemed to be the most beautiful! Best of luck to you
-
-
Thank you!
-
Adding your comment:
