im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
im not really crying
(its something in my eye)
im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
im not really dieing
(these cuts were accidents)
im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
im not really sad
(these pills aren't mine)
im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
Author notes
my first poem here
kingofthedemons PS I VOTED DAN COOK
- cutters and bleeders group list • next in list
- Anime Lovers group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Blood Sweat Tears by Miykie.
650 points, ended March 1, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the REAL american teenager by exithere.
600 points, ended September 23, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes, new poems, Anything by Never.Give.Up.
525 points, ended September 24, 2008, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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i like. i can relate. a little too much. good luck in conetest.
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Great
I like the fact that you have used repetition in your poem, out of the poems i have read, this is one of the first.
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i luv dis!!! so kewl.
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Cool! I really like this! There is only one thing...you spelled dying wrong. but other than that, I loved it.
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I really like this piece!
Especially the repetition.
Amazing write keep it up! -
Great write! I love your repetition! Welcome, and I hope that you keep writing.
~Kayne -
I am sorry, but you did not survive in level 1: Title. Thank you for entering but your poem is being removed
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i really like this, good job
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dark..and wonderful
can feel the mounting pain here..excellent use of repetition..welcome to our little "crazy" group...hope you enjoy your pain with us..thanx so much for sharing..blessings..namaste.
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this is good. love it
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this is cool...
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its really good, reads well and flows.=]
se
ps . u guys might enjoy some of mine?
xx -
i like it. very good 4 your first song. i like the repeating line. one of my poems does that. itz good!
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im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
im not really crying
(its something in my eye)
im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
im not really dieing
(these wounds were accidents)
im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
im not really sad
(these pills aren't mine)
im not really falling
(i just hate this life)
A great very deep first poem you keep your pen flowing poetry comes through with practice and time. Thank you for sharing your poem with the group.
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its great. kudos to the author
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I like this. it culd have been a little longer but shweet. Rerturn the favor? thnx=]
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I like the audio quality this has when read aloud. It sounds like a son
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Your first poem? Well done i like, i can see that you are going to develop into a good poet. More emotion could have been conveyed; as you did keep the language simple. But i can see where your coming from with this piece, and perhaps keeping it simple and short has worked well for you!
Loved it.
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This poem is great. I'm definetly saving this one. U R cool so never stop writing
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That's interesting. I liked the approach you took with this one and the repetition you used of the first line throughout the poem. Very cool. I enjoyed reading this. -R.T
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really? Well done, then! It's... very unique, and I really really like it! Great work!!
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I like this,
Repitition adds importance to the line
"im not really falling
(i just hate this life)"
But I feel this line is out of place and hurts the overall effect of this poem.
"im not really dieing
(these wounds were accidents)"
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Nicely done...first one? Very talented. Keep penning
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I like it,i Think you pulled it off writing a good poem,I like how you put emotion in it. Keep on writing.
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Very fashionable, but I think that can be a good thing, if it's done well. Most of the time it isn't, but I thought you pulled it off, even though I wasn't given them impression it was a deliberate use of contemporary teen speak.
Welcome to AP, I'll keep an eye out for your poetry. There's something unusual about it that I enjoyed here. -
wow! what a bold fearless poet you are!
It took me months to write so boldly! You are new, wow!
great job, really could feel this most piercing write!
winter is really too long this year, gosh darn we're all
going to implode if spring doesn't spring itself!
Hang in there! and way to boldly write!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen/Seattle.
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Whoa cool! I like your idea there the whole i'm not crying it's something in my eye, I think you could do good to add some other parts and maybe not repeat the title so much. just a thought
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a very deep emotional write we all feel like this sometimes it is part of life we have to take the bad with the good and then we can move forward
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great. good job
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whoa. i like your emo style. this is going in my favorites!
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Wow i really like this poem. It's a great write. I hope you write some more soon.
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WOW
I....like.
yeah. defiantly enter my contest, as soon as it's up anyway.
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Welcome to AP
For a first poem this is quite good. Firstly I like how well it flows and the opposition between the lines and what's in the brackets. My favorite part was
"im not really sad
(these pills aren't mine)"
I think the repetition works well here. In fact I could see this as song lyrics.
You appear to have misspelled "dying" in stanza 4. Otherwise this is pretty in style, even though so dark and sad. Keep writing and best wishes
~Diana
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