Micro-chipped brainwaves and patterns so bland
controlled thoughts from the lizard man.
Freedom of speech and freedom of mind
a laughable concept of careful design
Dollar signs and corporate slime
smeared over everything locking down young minds
Comfort of purchase
the power of fear
the herding of sheep to mask their veneer.
Shaping and shifting
they're planning it all
the human race is their wrecking ball.
This scaly serpent
of worldwide control
has tricked us all
has vanquished our soul.
But what they hide
behind the lies
the power is yours
free your mind.
/////SYSTEM ERROR////SYSTEM ERROR///CORRUPT FILE////
////PLEASE IGNORE THE ABOVE MESSAGE//////////
////REBOOTING--51-42-33--2-0-1-2--//////////
////SYSTEM BACK ONLINE////////
Author notes
!TAKE THE POWER BACK!
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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well done! well done!
smartly written and cleverly done...and wasn't it
refreshing to hear the bold cry...do not be seduced
by the commericals that market and boldly do lie...
offering their side effects of crash n burn,
to profit their pockets, with not missing one moment
of sleep.
well done poet! well done!
ears/Seattle
. Rewarded 6
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This message is very rare to find. And, I loved your ability to force readers into visualizing a criminal by using a lizard, which by nature appears devious.
I was a little distracted by the fact that you kept jumping around though. In all honesty I think if you were to improve you could find a way to transition from separate ideas within the main idea to get your point across better. I'm not sure how you would do this, that's for you to figure out.
. Rewarded 8
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wow
Very cool poem. It kinda sounds like it could be a song in the Hippy movement. Very anti-establishment.
. Rewarded 4
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Certainly is corrupt and all about the mighty dollar. Strong message here. Thanks for sharing. Makes one realize that we are just like little puppets on a string sometimes, huh? Enjoyed the read!
. Rewarded 4
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When i really stop and think about it, it's so true. Everything is becoming more censored and everyone is following more trends. Hmmm its amazing how one line can make you think of a thousand things. Good Job dude.
. Rewarded 4
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Wow, i would hav neve written anything like this, its so amazing. The message is really powerful and I love the picture that goes with this. Its a total package and couldn't have been done any better. I love the flow.
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I did not read any other comments as I wanted mine to be my own. I looked at the picture briefly as is not my habit. I want to see your soul and your interjections of life. I think I got it. No, let me go back and read it one more time. Ok, they cannot take our souls. In fact they can and are figuring a way for the lizard to win, but it si hopeless for them. There will alsways be you and me and so many others. The massess will fall, but we can't we don't have that option. We will free our minds, yes we will free our minds. RC
. Rewarded 8
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rock on mate! you know it
~peace~love~good vibes~
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nice ehyme scheme i really like your poem
p.s.
your cute [: -
Great poem!
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haha... so true... lets make our own path... and not fall into societies image.....
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Society has become crazed with censorship and ripping away the right to free speech that was granted to us a long time ago. I would say that there are somethings that are best left to behind the blinds, but over all, why hide what is normal human behavior? I think this write is going to find a lot of people agreeing with you.
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It's interesting to see how you went from two lines to three in each stanza, then from three lines to four; and how you used half-rhymes. The system message at the end was a nice touch.
(I would applaud, but I am new here and have hardly any points - please take the will for the deed.) -
sorry for clicking. Forgot I already read this one. Sorry!
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I'm Grateful For Your Word's !
This that you have written above, is very good and full of the truth. They say we have our freedom and even of speach but yet they lie to us all. The took down the word's on the Important Building's ( In God We Trust ) Where was our freedom of speech or other right's their just as I can see that we do not have many no where. Good Write and wonderfully Written ! God Bless You And Your Poetry ! Good Luck In The Contest ! Brenda Gae
. Rewarded 8
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hehehe yeah!! 'sings" power to the people, power to the people, power to the people right on! and so may the parasitic nature of human kind be vanquished and the carbon ghost neutralised and so to note the particular numerology on the numbers; 5 communication 1 SELF 4DIRECTION 3CHILD 3CHILD 2UNITY 0POWER 1SELF 2UNITY, quite the recipee and so may the craft markets and op shops of this world be blessed forever more!!! MUHAHAHAHA amen..
w a bargain poncho and chai
-jas
. Rewarded 8
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My favourite lines were
"Comfort of purchase
the power of fear
the herding of sheep to mask their veneer."
Your poem obviously has a message, but formulating it like that couldn't have been easy. Great write!
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I had read this before but had not remembered the title. I still like it overall.
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reminds me of the Geico commercials...I love the ending and am praying that I don't get a virus from clicking on your poem.
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very good
original, thought-provoking, very imaginative
great read
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Interesting...
A true depiction of a corrupt society. Reminiscent of 1984, which I have recently finished reading. The ending is pleasantly haunting.
. Rewarded 4
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unique
and cute. "free your mind" to me that means- imagine what you will to keep your piece of mind. It is fun to think back to child hood when you could entertain yourself 4 hrs. with the simplest of objects and a colorful imagination. We could go anywhere!
. Rewarded 6
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Nicely done.
At first I thought the poem was another doom and gloom anti-society rant. The last two lines validate the whole thing. Regardless of content, the poem was well penned and creative.
. Rewarded 4
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Nice
A very nice poem with a wonderful message. It was good but to me the flow seemed a bit off in places but great poem! Thanks for sharing.
. Rewarded 4
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Wow... This is really good.. I like your overall theme... and the flow the flow was really good.. though a bit awkward in this line: "Dollar signs and corporate slime" It seemed to need another syllable or something... I dont know
I really liked this though... Written very well.. Interesting message behind it too
~ Very nicely done here,
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Very good. I really liked it. I don't really know what to say except: Awesome! Keep writing!
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power
Hello there. I agree completly with the sentiments you have expressed so well in this political poem.
I also like the way you have structured the poem. It begins with three couplets, then moves on to two tecets and finishes with the quatrains. I like that!
Have a gr8 day,
BJ.
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I love the error message at the end! But I also differ in opinion of our current world slightly. I'm a little more supportive, but I can still understand your perspective.
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Remember commenting on this one before -earlier last month. Remember that error message at the end. Very unique poem.
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I like it. It is an easy read but it makes the point. Picks up the theme with the first verse and carries it to the end. The problem is that the population is almost like the elephant that was trained as a calf to not struggle against the chain on its foot and will stand in a burning building with a light weight strap and burn to death because of the mistaken belief it is trapped by the strap.
. Rewarded 8
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this was great!
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ah a lizard-man grasping it looks/appears like greenbacks how fitting good ending stanza good rhyme schemes thanks for sharing the 'true essence' of these lizard-men for there quite a few in florida thanks for sharing regards zaj
. Rewarded 4
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FUCK YEAH MY NEW FAV!!!!!
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woah..awesome ending
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The end made it amazing. The way you worded your thoughts was really well done. I think your writing could take you very far. Thanks for sharing.
sam
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interesting view
you strike me as a person who would be very good at writing science-fiction novels . . . anyways i really like this poem, especially the last "SYSTEM ERROR" message -
HAHA!!!
I really liked this poem especcially the ending... You had a great poem here... I think I will read your author page...
~Maria -
a good evocotive poem
i liked this poem and agree with the message, although i am not sure of the illuminate part of the poem i do agree that man has placed money almost to the level of a god and worships it fervently to the detriment of mans soul. as to the poem i found it easy to read although bits i had to think about but this is not a bad thing in a poem it ensures the reader gets the message, overall a very good poem well written. well done
. Rewarded 8
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I liked teh line "the human race is their wrecking ball." quite a visual.
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i Like this. I Makes Me Think About a Lot Of Things. Some Parts I Don't Really Understand It But That's Why I Like It. I Also Like The Serpent reference.
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This is great! I like the image of a snake (reminiscent of the Devil perhaps?) winding its way around the world, using mind control. The first lines are intriguing, made me wonder, just who is the 'lizard man' Really caught my attention. I loved them. This poem absolutely captivated me, and I just love the ending. Perfect!
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very good, i liked the rhyme but the flow strayed a little bit in the second stanza. the use of the program fil ewas pretty cool 2, lol
good write and keep it up
. Rewarded 4
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Indeed. Someday implants in newborns will be commonplace, and tracking numbers will replace social security numbers. Scary thoughts, you gave me chills in parts of this one....
until immolation,
Grimoire -
Such a different ending - makes one think that Big Brother is watching and can turn us off at any time. Maybe we all need a system check now and again to make sure we are still running properly.
. Rewarded 4
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So true a write this is
We will be in the time we will see a downfall worse than any recetion before us and I just hope while we are down the rest of the world we gave all our money to doesnt come and finish us off .Thats just what I have gotten from the media
. Rewarded 4
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I do believe you may have access to my computer and have pinched the error message i am often confronted with
very good write i like. -
WOW
This is pretty amazing! It is perfectly pieced together, and flows so well. I really like your style! There is a lot of truth in this piece, and i can tell you put some effort into it. You portayed every aspect well! I am definetly going to check out more of your work!!!
+-Omni
. Rewarded 6
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definitely a society piece... beautifully written... can tell this one tis coming from the soul,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
Fantastic, funny, truthful, and good timing too, since Santa's visit has left us in the poor-house, collectively. Flawless in flow, and the rhyme pulls it together seemingly effortless(-ly?)..Very intelligent.
Peace, if you can find it,
Jin
. Rewarded 4
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This is really such a great write. These are such words of wisdom here about society. The imagery you have used here is really great and I loved the rhyme and flow of this.
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this is a realistic view of society. i thought the little system error piece at the end was really fun and creative. altogether, i liked this. you're still a fav. of mine
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