Dddistinguish
Ooobjectify
where it is
this glow
foaming
AAAaaamplify
antonyms as you
simplify
I am
split
laughing
for two
hussshhhed sounds
ocean spray
(do you have anything to say?)
stare down novels
look at classic advice
'DO WHAT IS RIGHT.'
characterize
alphabetize
you had no point
I had only
swollen voices
listened closely?
theme
plot
setting
end story.
Author notes
I have a point that I am trying to get accross. I don't hold readers hands. and I don't think I should.
A contest entry
- Experiment by Dienush.
3550 points, ended January 31, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I enjoyed this. I like what you've done, the form it is written in and the way you have used your words and sounds. After your explanation I re-read and I do see what you are saying, I think. Not only do some authors use their books as soapboxes so they can do some moralizing, but I know when we study literature everything is about the symbolism and the deep hidden meanings. I always had a problem with that, because I was not sure that was really what the author intended originally or what subsequent "teachers" had determined was meant. My comment is getting confusing now, so I will stop. Very good.
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quirky, I liked it!
I got your dissss-gust right off (even your oohs and aahs) but didn't realize it was about writers' moralizing until about half-way. I'm not sure what the first line or lines should be but, I think, your need a beginning of the story, especially since, you say the end of story last.
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I am struggling to find the point here as well...look forward to the explination...
Simon -
I'm not sure what your point was here.
I personaly don't want to think hard enough to try to figure it out today.
I would like a breif explanation of this if you get time.
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Enjoying Try
yeah. i will explain. but it might end up into another poem.. i will try to not let that happen.
i'm talking about literture and how often times writers put in their morals and how we should act accordingly- and how they are trying to evoke change in us wiht their writing. and then it's mixed in with this emotion i feel that's connected to that attitude- where you're tying to connect with a person but you're really just kinda doing it for the both of you- you make up this story in your head- you make your own characterzation for another person cos that's the way you wish they were. and then it goes back to those types of people that listen so intently to those novelist and they lose themselves. but then the story ends... and what do you have now? it's only a story. a classic, yes, but a story...
hmmm.... i hope this helps, but i proably made it even more complicated. this is why i do not do well with explaining myself, but i enjoy trying. -
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Ok.
I think your first line completely lost me the first time I read this one. I never recovered after that.
I read it again after your joyful explanation. The first line still throws me, but rest makes sense now.
This glow foaming.
That still has me baffled.
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This was great! I loved it. Just a thought though, since you are using..."end story" at the end it may be cool to have the first line suggest a start and tie that in with the content. It's still very interesting.
Warmly,
Amy
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Deep
I had to read it several times. I enjoy the "look at classic advice 'DO WHAT IS RIGHT'" Brilliant. It is almost as if you are watching someone's life through an ambiguous micro-scope. May I make a suggestion? Oh! Heck! I am going to anyway. Readers do not want to be coddled...However, they also do not want to be confused. When making a poem one wants to see, smell, taste, feel the passion of the writer. I feel yours...However, try not to be so complex all the time. It is nice to come up for air every now and again.
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yeah. i see i have this problem of trying to be mean to the reader and make their minds hemmorage. see. i don't like people. and i want to make them congused deeply. but yeah. i understand what your saying. at the same time i really do want to get my point across and i do have one. i do.
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I love this. The style is original... I'm not sure how to describe it because it's so creative. Makes me think of how writers write what they mean, but what the reader gets out of that is up to them. Very nicely done.
As for my experiment, I don't think you were one of the "subjects", were you?
Thank you very much for your entry.
~Diana -
I personally don't do so great with abstract...just don't have the gift. I do like to play with vagueness and I like how this forces me to analyze and re-analyze the intentions behind each line.
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thank you
thanks. yeah. i am trying to be one of them e.e. cummings types or something... unravel and then tighten up. -
i like this..it's interesting you are weaving the
words...hmmm...husshhed sounds ocean spray..love that!
very abstract and causes a lot of questioning thought.
the more formal poets will wrestle with it..and I think
that's your purpose...to unravel and ravel..weaving the
words.
good job! I liked this very much!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )))))))))))))))))))))
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