this is the hardest thing i've ever had to write.

i don't know why
i just have to get away.
i have to try
to do the right thing for me.

i cant say it outright to you.
i couldn't do that to you.
i don't know why i feel like this.
all i know is i do.

with every word its getting harder,
i feel myself nearing the "X" button.
but for my own sake and yours
i will carry on this one time.

when i first spoke to you,
you were a dream come true.
you fufilled every aspiration,
and dodged every loophole.

but i have my doubts now,
and for no reason i can see
i want out.
i need to be alone.

and it breaks my heart to say this.
it's killing me to say:
im sorry but i love you.
i just can't live that way.

can i get on with my life
loving you.
i feel myself sinking lower
thiking of you.

ive been thinking a lot recently,
i've decided that...
you arent good for me.
you arent the one for me.

for a time i thought
you were the one.
but i really don't know why,
i was just somehow wrong.

im a strong believer
in the word of god almighty.
i feel he tells me to do this
so this goodbye.

goodbye to my love,
not to you personally
unless of course,
your grasp pulls me in again.

and i'm crying while i write
that you WERE my missing link.
and i'm crying while i say
that you are my weakest link.

i can't live
with you there beside me.
i have no idea why
but i know its true.

if i wanted this,
i would say outright
im sorry
but its so.







************author cries these words*******************


this isnt going to happen yet.
i'm still thinking.
but please im begging you.

i love you
i dont want to love you.

please, please, please.

take this reasonably.
i might decide to change.

i know though
deep down i know.

that this will come eventually.

i'd rather sooner than later.

i've spoken to god and he has answered me.


so to nathan-s-matt:


i don't want to love you anymore.