One night I was sitting
in the shade of a small orange-lamped room
with a note thrown on the desk,
''I'm on fire for you'' scrawled from corner to corner.
It was one of many I couldn't send,
for a thousand reasons.
I was sinking down, like the useless day.
And a windy flicker illuminated
part of the house wall.
I smelled heat -
thievingly rough and burned.
Someone was in the room,
with smoke escaping his
melted clothes.
The smoldering ash that had been
his skin flared against the quiet curtains.
They leaped in a betrayal of fire.
'It burns you up', he said.
He stretched his black, blistered
hand over the tiny locket on the desk,
the tiny staring heart of gold.
The whole room caught and burned, roaring in its heat.
The note was eaten up
by the flame, and the edges tore wickedly.
Through the red, cindering hell
a bridge bounced.
A bridge laid with a pattern
of red coal for bricks.
Across the wavery, blistering heat
my lover leaned on a street sign,
a radio station emblazoned on his shirt.
'If you love him, cross.'
Oddly enough, all that came into my mind was the word
'angel'. Love him. Angel.
'You will not strike your foot against a stone.'
'Bow down and worship me'. Fear; worship fear.
'You will not strike your foot against a stone.'
There were papery flickers from the inferno inside the coals.
And I thought, his dark blue shirt will quench all fire.
And I thought, the grey threads in his jeans are worth more
than fear.
The stranger stepped onto the bridge.
Halfway across, his clothes caught fire
from the burning walkway.
Words challenged my head:
tallow melting yellow flame
dripping screaming flame
dripping seething glowing.
The flames whipped like wind
and he was stuck in the middle of it, screaming.
Mad skeleton straw
mad skeleton straw doll burningtodeath.
Like a devil dancer.
Then a deep ache was in my heart,
because of my lover's dark square eyes
and blind smile.
The locket shone through the crackling hand,
a hand eaten with flame.
The stranger said what he'd been saying all along:
'Such hearts are hard to find.'
I have spent nights cooling
the oven filling my nightmares,
nights cooling violence with love
and with cool dark blue of brother; with grey
of scratched casettes.
I have spent nights crying, terrified that, if given
another chance, I might cross.
'Oh God, don't let me!'
But the worst fear
is that my lover would.
That he would come for me,
his face melting,
himself forgotten, lost in the unthinkable blaze
of dripping white-hot hives
but not stopping.
That he would find me, with a seeing smile
bitter on his chin.
Here is fear itself: I honestly don't assume that he wouldn't try it.
Such hearts are hard to find.
Author notes
This was not a fun prompt, since I am afraid of fire. I hope this isn't too long. The line 'I'm on fire for you' is from Coldplay's lovely song 'A Message'.
Can anyone guess what the title refers to?
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round Two [Top 16] by Tangled Angle.
450 points, ended January 18, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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oh yeah...the title refers to Duncan Heyward, who in the movie of The Last of The Mohicans burns to death in place of his love Alice.
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thank you :]
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I think I'm just going to have to give the reason for the title in the AN, since no one's guessed it.
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I think you repeated "fire" a bit much. That was already implied due to the prompt, so it didn't need to be ingrained in the reader as much as it normally would.
Other than that I thought this was written well, your metaphors were unique and expressive. Personally I didn't like the individual words particularly much (mad skeleton straw etc), but I understand why you put them in.
Good luck
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Wow...um...
Just wow.
This is really good.
Wish you were on my team in Teen Idol.
I must say that I wasn't a fan of the "tallow melting" bit the first time I read it, but when I read it again I rather liked it.
Very original!
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well thank you Cat! maybe 'Idol' will have another team competition and we'll be on one together!
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the word 'fire' was repeated a lot.
a bit long abd somewhat wordy, but...i can tell you intended it to be long, because it seems focused.
I think the title might be the guy you are going for.
or maybe i am way off.
either way,
the title works for me.
i like how you creative you are with your style [in this poem]. you took risks messing with the alignmet of lines, and the list of words [well, not a list but the "tallow yellow melting" etc.].
I like the narrative/story telling feel this has to it. I think if you were on a stage and reading this poem to the audience, that it would be really interesting. The voice in this evident, and it really gives this an original vibe to it.
I like this.
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Seems very prose like - the verses poetic prose but still too wordy for poetry. I feel some slight chopping and tidying up would really notch this up.
A lot of adjectives were used - which in some parts was very effective but in others was a little bland and too much at once.
I was impressed with the little use of personal nouns & also with the ending - a very captivating quote to leave the reader with.
D.I.D
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Firstly. F**king hell, I am in this contest and attempting to write a poem and yours is the first one I've read and I might as well just give up now! I'm so literal and crap and not very good at free verse (why I'm in this I have no idea!). This was so brimming with excellent imagery and great ideas and lovely wording, I thoroughly enjoyed it all, long as it is, you had me to the last second. I wish you good luck x take care x
Oh by the way, Coldplay are awesome
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the first stanza reminds me of the movie "atonement", which i just saw and loved. except the poem is far more colorful. this is dream-like, i'm sorry i can't give a more detailed critique now, i seem to be hibernating. good job, good luck.
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lol, thanks.
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