You go right and I go left
And our paths meet in the sunset.
The sun changes face,
The moon is in its place,
As the glistening star in our eyes...
This illusion I despise
Because this dream is minimized,
For we are as close to one another
As the stars in the sky.
Author notes
To feel so close to someone and yet be so far apart.
A contest entry
- quick, easy, and has points (what more could you want) by magneticblue.
1500 points, ended January 14, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Love the start. Well done. Forgive me for me short responses but I'm a bit under the weather.
Write on, love. One.
Dez
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what a beautiful write is here..just short in size yet quite impressive in impact..your reach of the immages are very strong and very wast as well..it just captivate the mind and heart of the readers..a wonderful write indeed....
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apart
Hello there!
I’m glad I came along and clicked on your poem. It made me think of some of the people I tried to share my feelings with when I was young and immature and oh so dorky.
Thanks for sharing this poem with us. I love the concluding couplet - it's sad and poetic.
Have an awesome day,
BJ.
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Such simplicity, and yet it says it all.
The illusion cannot deliver against the actual state of affairs!
NTD -
Simple, simply beautiful
I love it, it covers that feeling so well. Especially lines 2 and 8/9. The language doesn't hide the emotion behind the words, or over simply things. Well done. -
Your metaphor in the last half was a very good touch, and the overall work was simple but engaging. Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
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Thank you very much for taking the time to view and comment. Good luck with your judging. I see you have a lot of work to do!
~Lia
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