Life's Rum

She stumbles down the highway of entity
Searching blindly for her identity
High on arrogance of her adolescent
And drunk on ignorance of obsolescent
Dodging the auto-motives of hostility
Her body accelerated with agility
The car nicks her and she falls
She laughs in anguish as she crawls

Sitting on the curb of life

Giggling at the world's strife

The overdose will slowly numb

As she glumly drinks life's rum

A contest entry

Make me Feel, See and Smell what she is by Manda Kathryn. 600 points, ended January 9, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

By me, right now

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Beautiful-N-Broken
February 2, 2008
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great write! thanks for entering!!!! good luck with the contest!
Manda Kathryn
January 9, 2008

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Interesting. Great flow and rhyme. Strong imagery that almost made me feel drunk and like my knees were being scraped along the curve

Nicely done
Thank you very much for your entry
Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
honeybrown
January 6, 2008
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I dont know what a sonnet is either! But i love this! its a beautiful piece!
Wandering Cactus
January 6, 2008

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This is almost a sonnet. Two more lines and you will have one. This poem has a very good idea. It is good to have pride, but it is bad to have too much of it. The content of this poem is really good. The flow and rhyme are also good. However, the last line messes it up a bit. You may want to say that "(line 11)The overdose will slowly numb (line 12)As she glumly drinks life's rum". It flows a lot nicer this way. But this is just a suggestions. Over all, well done.
- ramonesgirlxoxo
  January 6, 2008
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  Thank you. I used your suggestion, you're right, it does sound so much better. I don't know what a sonnet is. Oh, I feel brainless. >.< I'm going to start reading up on my poetry. I just write and whatever sounds good comes out.
  Thank you for your suggestion!