dissection shall prune inheritance
to massacre our youth unable to bleed
though no lack of imagination decrease
genius which they are forced to hide
for fucked shit considered timeless
(masochistic apathy tied to false diatribe)
seriously there is no connection in this cosmos
i can decipher to stand against progression
though ambivalent bastard society disagree
unable to read braille before blind eyes
(though ears always hear a nickel hit the gutter)
in toilet conversations greed envies expression
with ebullient pie grabbings from kids dejected
everything for cock-sucked commercialism's ass
yet nothing for those deities they dub teratoma
while huffing coke with hookers to no surprise
for they make the crap called laws & regulations
to cinch to themselves the desecrated dollar
Author notes
For the "children"
In a list
A contest entry
- The Word Bank from "H" "E" Double Hockey Sticks by Abby Apathy..
15750 points, ended January 27, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES!!!! by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended January 19, 2008, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write MadNess by Mango Memories.
400 points, ended July 26, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Oh so going to be in the finalists XD
well done i really enjoyed reading this... what an angry cookie u are !
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"dissection shall prune inheritance"
LMAO...the way you used 'prune' is just hilarious. I love that you're not talking about the fruit...I love this first line.
"for fucked shit considered timeless"
Vulgarity spiced with eloquence...
Nice line..."considered timeless" Honestly, this makes me think of Chanel No. 5 perfume, which smells like an old lady trying to pass for classy...LoL. I have picky taste in perfumes though...
"seriously there is no connection in this cosmos
i can decipher to stand against progression
though ambivalent bastard society disagree
unable to read braille before blind eyes"
This sounds SO delightfully scathing about society..
'cosmos' is a groovy word...and "braille before blind eyes", wow I love that.
"(though ears always hear a nickel hit the gutter)"
God, humans are so bloody greedy, aren't they!!!
That's what this bracketed line makes me think of...and a nickel is only five cents. God, what we do for gain.
"in toilet conversations greed envies expression"
BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT.
"with ebullient pie grabbings from kids dejected"
I think "dejected kids" sounds better, but meh. My opinion doesn't matter that much.
Pie...tasty.
"everything for cock-sucked commercialism's ass"
I absolutely adore that..."cock-sucked" Ha, love that...I think you had fun writing this..."commercialism's ass" Powerful with societal depth. Love, love.
"for they make the crap called laws & regulations"
Huzzah!
Congrats on your multiple trophies on this one friend.
Jessica
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Another side of your poetry and a brilliant one at that....Congrats on a well deserved silver....This shows your versatility once again...
Lynda
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Wam bam thank you ma'am - ey?
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It is rare that I have the chance to read a well vented rant. Impressive use of device - the imagery is brutal, and quite poignant. Excellent piece! Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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What a hard hitting poem of explanative deleted segments!
I love rants, especially geared towards our society. Unfortunately, we live in a dead democracy. The back scratching, butt squeakers, are all that's left.
Absolutely fantastic poem Mark! Really, obscenties and all!
Best of luck to you in the contest!
~Steve -
Ummmmmmmmmm wow sonny son
Whew, I would really hate to get on your bad side 
Wow, this is profound, very heated and right to the point if I EVER saw it. If more people would speak up, maybe things would change. Hey, feel like running for Governor?
Lovely vent my dear and the word bank, wow, you did it more than kind
Best of luck in da contest. Be well and be blessed
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Ouch. This is really terrific writing. What a great job you have done here.
(I have GOT to check out that word bank. I love word banks...)
"before blind eyes to hear a nickel hit the floor." WHAM
and then
"ebullient pie to crap called laws and regulations - for the desecrated dollar -"
WHAM WHAM
Oh this is quite good. Excellent expressions. ~Pamela
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i love your word choices! wow. put together flawlessly.. with a raw message.
it was damn well worth the wait!
thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest.
Abby -
Rage on!!!
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I agree with Friday about the first stanza, maybe too much description and not enough impact to be consistent with the rest of this write...but the rest of it hits hard and the profanities are essential and well placed to have the most emphasis. You used the word bank well Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. La x
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Thanks. My idea was to 'trick' the reader into thinking they were at first reading one kind of poem & then surprise them. lol
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omg! you've been watching CSI! I thought we all
had a "special Meeting" about this...our list of
poets who are NEVER permitted to watch it!
oh..i really like that...though ears always hear a nickel hit the gutter-that's just wicked! love it!
My Gawd! that was brutal...it reminded of nasty
creepy senator or he was the governor of idaho..that
really creepy guy who was approaching men in the bathrooms for sex...meanwhile bragging how "righteous"
he was, and didn't sponsor any of the bills protecting
the rights of families for gays.
This was raw and you just dropped your mouth open,
standing up saying I HEARYA Brother for all the B.S.
that we are currently facing and be thrown in our
faces every single night when we watch the news!
That was a bungey jump poem! whew! feeling better
now????? I do!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
you must have irish in you too!
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~clap clap clap~
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My God mark what a powerful message!
I am in awe and somewhat speechless!
This is just wow!
I am reeling from this one!
Excellent!
your dear friend
~Lisa~
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The first stanza seems to lead you into the piece a bit much, the rest of it is so hard hitting and honest I would have liked to see that from the very beginning, really state what you're trying to state from the first word. Other than that and a lack of punctuation (which you never put in so there's no point commenting on
) I like it.
You're not trying to confirm anyone else's belief, just stating your own.
Good luck hun
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Your words take me for a spin ... every piece I read ... I want to hold on tight and grasp the conception of reality ... you are such an inspiring poet ... and that is more than I can even say for myself ... You have really outdone yourself on this one love ... I am very proud of you ... There is nothing on this piece that I can honestly critique ... it was perfect ... thank you for sharing such wonderful and beautiful poetry ...
Much Love
♥Princess -
For the children? I do agree. You have posted so many lessons that could be learned without the experience if they would just read. This was a very vivid and blunt poem, which I enjoyed dearly. Your vocabulary was outstanding, spelling was errorless, and the use of foul language was not overdone. It was placed exactly where it was needed to give the message an extra nudge. You did an awesome job on this write, poet!!
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