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[An Ode To Suicide]

I have a huge apathy for masochistic things,
So I cannot decipher the large; now timeless red lines...
Cosmos popping through the ground; keeping the connection.

I am ambivalent for their progression,
Far from genius; too much imagination,
They diatribe their wrists; the fair skin,
Far from a gigantic teratoma covering.

They massacre themselves as the skin separates; dissection,
They prune themselves violently; ebullient blood,
To slice a pie; no problem at all;
To read the slices; almost like braille; as the world gets dark.

There parents with all the materialistics; inheritance,
As the coffin;

               Under layers of heavy, heavy dirt;  

                                                   Is held with a tight cinch.

 



 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Solo Wisp gold member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love your usages of some of these words, unexpected but definitely on target. Ex. "They diatribe their wrists..." and "They prune themselves violently; ebullient blood,"

    The poem is scribed very well, I do like a more clean cut(pardon the pun), minimalistic style, but your story-esque poem style is outstanding, which contributes to keeping my interest, all without variation.

    Umm... as Abby pointed out, "there" should be "their" in the 2nd stanza, first line. Possibly a comma to be placed after "ground" and before "keeping" in the 1st stanza, 3rd line. I'd revisit any 'ing words and see if there is a way of restructuring the sentence to eliminate or replace with a better word.

    I think I will be revisiting this one soon.

    Thank you for your entry and best of luck in our contest!

    ~Steve


  • Bleeding On Paper
    January 5, 2008

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    ok i bet this would be really good and i love big words but i have no idea what the following mean:
    masochistic
    ambivalent
    ebullient
    materialistics


    but other than that,thanks for entering


    • JustAnotherIdoit
      January 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      masochistic: gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one's own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.
      ambivalent: uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.
      ebullient: bubbling up; like a boiling liquid.
      materialistics: its like the things you own.

      Hmmm all those came from dictionary.com, except the last one.
      Anyhow there you go, and now you know.


  • Abby In Chains. silver member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am ambivalent for there progression = I am ambivalent for their progression.

    this is my favorite so far. there is something about it, i somehow feel as though i can relate. as strange as that sounds.

    and your poetic descriptions of cutting the skin were... fantastic.

    i dont think this is much steve's (the other host of this contest) thing, but i love this, and my love for this will be factored into the judging.

    thank you very much for entering, i wish you all the best during judging.

    steve should be around sometime to comment as well.

    Abby


    • Solo Wisp gold member
      January 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah... I'm always lagging behind... sigh ... My comprehension likes to play games with me sometimes!

      ~Steve

1 - 5 of 5