Just one look
I was gone
Drowning in the sunshine
I couldn’t look away
I didn’t want to look away
And I never planned to.
False hope
No chance
Slowly dying
Fading, fading from my own existence
Chest’s heavy
Couldn’t breathe
Hurts to breathe
Hurts to think
Endless pain
Is it endless?
Drowning
Hard and fast
Up to my neck
In this tangible emotion
That continues to rise
Until it will swallow me whole
And leave no trace
No trace of my existence
It chokes me
As I continue to fall
Further and further in
A blinding smile
And I can breathe again
Then more darkness
Like always, more darkness
Slowly decaying
Stumbling halfheartedly through the emptiness
Hidden deep within me
A blatantly fake smile
That you can’t see through
Or can you?
You don’t care enough to explore
Fake
It’s all fake
You could save me
But you won’t
And that hurts more
Then any bullet, weapon or razor ever could
All it took was one look into your eyes
I was hypnotized
Lost in those deep chocolate pools
Without a hope of ever resurfacing
A grasping hand this time
Around my neck
My lungs
My chest
My heart
A simple blade
Could never ease this pain
The accompanying red splatter
The thin slice
Which was supposed to abolish this hurt
Would do no one justice
The hurt, the yearning
Would stalk me
For all of eternity
Plaguing me far beyond death
Corrupting me with anguish
I want you to know
But you never will
You never notice
The silent conversation
The unspoken pleas my body sends out
For you to realize, to acknowledge
But you never will
One smile
From your bright face
That glorious sunshine
That temporarily fills the void in my aching chest
And I can move through
This painful existence
For at least another day.
Author notes
Written originally as a two part poem, with Regrets.
[5/6] for the Options contest
[1/8] for Words I just can't say
In a list
A contest entry
- Everything! by BeautifullyBroken42.
370 points, ended January 6, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and EveRything! by Poetic Obscenity.
450 points, ended January 6, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Words I just can't say... by aligurl.
550 points, ended January 27, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ SET the BAR ~ Anything Goes~ Possible of 5750 points handed out! by Florida Sunshine.
950 points, ended February 24, 2008, 182 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - everything and anything by x Bright Eyes x.
525 points, ended February 4, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options: Emotions by Veeolin.
525 points, ended June 25, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I must have been distracted when I read your poem the first time. I always re read before judging and I am glad that I have. I know about the whole endless pain. The imagery and emotion in this piece is very vivid and it added a great punch to this poem. I especially liked the part
"A blatantly fake smile
That you can’t see through
Or can you?
You don’t care enough to explore"
But then in the second part
"I want you to know
But you never will
You never notice"
You say it agian, but then later on
"One smile
From your bright face
That glorious sunshine
That temporarily fills the void in my aching chest
And I can move through
This painful existence
For at least another day."
I loved this whole piece. You want them to see but they don't. But then they keep you going. Very well written.
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Don't know about two parts but i could easily have read it as four
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This is excellent ~ I most enjoyed:
"A blatantly fake smile
That you can’t see through
Or can you?
You don’t care enough to explore"
How true are those words... We walk past people everyday... See them in school or at our jobs... ask "How are you doing?" We do it cause its a polite greeting ~ yet do we really care? I'd say 98% of those who would ask ~ would say "not really" In my lifetime I've looked into the eyes of friends, family and smiled knowing how miserable and hurt I was in the inside.... and responded "I'm fine..."
Those who are supposed to be there ~ those who are supposed to care, usually don't ~ I actually had a rough time in my life as well, and I was amazed the friends who came to be at my side, and stand there for me in support to help me through a very difficult time, wasn't those who'd I expect. The ones I did expect didn't show~ nor seemed to care. It left me questioning how do you know when someone cares....
I also enjoyed your last lines~and the message of "even though life may seem unbarable, and painful ~ keep going ~ and when your sinking not to give up..." So many people don't see a future... actually I understand that thinking... more than you know~ Your piece really nails it through and through ~ Good job ~ VERY strong piece in my opinion ~
Thanks for entering the "set the bar" contest ~ I appreciate you sharing your work with me~ good luck to you
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I'm really happy you turned this one in. Amazing.
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wow very pretty good luck
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sweet
its a nice poem that im sure many can relate to an at 1st i felt hard 2 connect but near the end, it was pretty intense and powerful. good job =)
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Thank you for entering this into my contest I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on the silver trophy
OOPs
redwingSpirit -
quite a powerful and emotional piece I am glad of you to have entered my contest thanks for the entry love, Raneika
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Thank you. A very moving piece. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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Very beautiful,its left me speachless,great job and good luck in the contest
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wow this is the LONGEST poem I have ever read but mabye the best. The first part was powerful and you made me feel the same was it was discribed. I think you should enter it in this contest
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2384690
it would be perfact! It will be in the finalists! -
Ah..this is really a piece to make things better in life but sometimes it is beyond to our control..and then the cry of the heart is switched into heartfelt write..a great write is here...
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