I lied a little bit
on the south
in states and small
places that
were hotter and
spoke languages
that didn’t
sound right
“that might
be a bad word”
you warned
and you weren’t
even invited
I could call
myself a bitch
which made sense
when I was
thinking it
but you weren’t a
thinking person
those days I
told the truth
with new use
for the small things
the brown paper
bag I threw up
in when we binged
and then some
I wasn’t
the losing
weight type
and you only
wanted one thing
“it isn’t sex”
you said
“and it aint
sex neither”
Author notes
making a comeback
A contest entry
- Experiment by Dienush.
3550 points, ended January 31, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Experiment: 2nd set of trophies by Dienush.
1282 points, ended February 8, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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my personal contest judging policy didn't let me do this but now that it's over...
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Wow, I love this. It uses common words and common life situations but creates quite an atmosphere with the style... I'm not sure why, perhaps because it's so simple. This is very good, in my opinion.
As for my experiment, I don't think you were one of my invitee "subjects", were you? Though I do think you may be on my favorites... it'd be nice to see if I'm right
No matter who you are, thanks a lot for entering!
~Diana -
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Nope, I wasn't invited, so I invited myself. lol I'm glad you liked it.
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mmm. this is the kind of piece I like best from you. first reading- it's got some interesting bits. second reading- it's a bit more profound. third reading- I think I really get it, and I certainly fucking love it.
thanks for sharing.
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but you weren't
a thinking person
that line reads very strange to me. maybe it's just me, but it doesn't sound right. however, i really like the next stanza, about finding new use for small things. very cool. good to see you back as well. -
welcome back, you!
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-and so forth
and then some? (just don't like so forth in there for some reason)
-don't understand the last two lines. clarification (in the im) would be appreciated.
very well done. awesome comeback.
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I like your suggestion a lot. I'll certainly replace so forth with then some...I think it flows better that way. As for the last two lines...
I'm not sure if you read southern liturature (Faulker, Alice Walker, etc...) but it's often a satire (in it's truest form) of how southerns are. You could say the same of this. I'm from Atlanta, so I call them as I see them. lol Thanks for asking questions. I never have a problem with clarifying things. -
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nope. i haven't read much of southern literature. closest i've gotten is huckle berry finn (mark twain) and their eyes were watching god (zora neale hurston).
thank you for the clarification.
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