Laying on the floor,
standing seconds before.
Fits of giggles,
and laughter drawn tears.
Moments before,
holding a knife in her hand.
Wanting to give up,
and just end it all.
An hour later,
still on the floor.
Talking solemnly,
about memories of before.
10 minutes later,
hearing a funny sound.
The fits of giggles return,
and she can't help falling down.
Stands up shaking,
ready to cry.
She doesn't know why,
but she's hurthing inside.
Picks up the knife,
as if to try it again.
Wants to give up,
but she won't give in.
She cries out for help,
and he replies.
But all she hears,
are the echos of her cry.
He cheers her up,
gets her to drop the knife.
She smiles again,
and is glad he was there.
When it's time to hang up,
those feelings return.
Feeling helpless and hopeless,
she goes to lie down.
Laying in bed,
the thoughts rush in.
Luckily sleep comes before,
they can attack her again
Author notes
2
In a list
A contest entry
- I'm in pain, but let me feel yours. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended January 13, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♠ 4 Dark Options::Prewrites allowed ♠ by Manda Kathryn.
900 points, ended January 14, 2008, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Smile? by Exodus.
525 points, ended January 18, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 100 poems, more points to come! by katie-jo.
900 points, ended January 18, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For all of the CRAZY poets out there... by AutumnsFlame.
973 points, ended March 15, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for many types of poems, Prewrites allowed. by Systems Malfunction.
500 points, ended January 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for my favorites only---ok now its for everyone by Shelby K.
800 points, ended August 26, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
I know how sucky it can be to live with this. You're all over the place all the time, and sometimes it's really hard to stay in check. Nicely written.
-
woww outstanding poem
-
thats amazing . Im so happy someone wrote such a real poem about it made it real and not all ummm death depressin whinny sounding .
-
Don't I know this feeling!!!
Been there, done that... still there actually. LOL.
Aren't the highs so worth it though?
Great write. I love the roller-coaster ups and downs your poem took us on - mimicking the disease that inspired it.
-
Hey doll face:)
i like the poem. Its funny cuz my mom and i can write as well....But i normally only write when i am sad and when i am happy i am just happy i guess. AND to be honest i believe i am bipolar but wont admitt it and my mom is Bipolar so..Odd huh? Love ya ash -
Very powerful
Good that you can express yourself
If you ever need confert
talk to stavykm
She will understand
Have faith for tomorrow
Rick
-
I love you Chris. I want you to always remember that. You've been through enough...here's a hug..
Now get rid of the awful green, my poor old eyes are cursing at you
You know where to find me, I'm here. I know it seems as if I'm not paying attention, you have to keep trying. I'm old, and feeble...and a total space cadet half the time, but I'll always be here for you.
I love ya darlin, blessings always,
Jin -
a perfect discription of this horrible and hard to live with disorder. a very powerful work to be sure. sounds almost exactly like what happens when my friend would call me when she "forgot" to take her pills..
-
I love it!
I love this one.. Very vivid depiction of bi polar disorder.. I also suffer from this disorder so every word of this piece made complete sense to me & I have felt the exact same things.. Sometimes you just have to be thankful for those little happy moments & also the moments that take you away from it all.. If only for a moment.. This was inspiring to me.. If you have time, please read my poem called "Manic Phase".. You may be able to relate..
-
I'm bipolar, but that isn't near what I am like. Maybe some are like this, but thank God I am not. A good write though.
Kelli
-
i liked the poem all in all
nice work doll. -
I've already commented on this and my opinion hasn't changed (sorry)... thank you for entering my contest.
-
Great piece, but so hard to read with the neon green, it's too offensive for my eyes to have a focus on the writing.
Other than that good job.
Thanks for entering and all the best in the contest.
-
I don't think you quite understood what I meant by the contest, you have the desperation and despair in here, but not the forced smiles. It is also a little too "he said, she said" literal for me, but that's a personal choice. Thank you
-
Strong write that spills imagery forth.
You did not, however, put the option in the authors notes.
Please follow rules.
.&heart;.
Thank you for your entry
Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
-
I know how you feel as in some people can cheer you up for just a time. I'm not bi polar but I am depressed and that's certainly not good. Can't really read this, had to highlight it I think the colours should be changed really.
thanks for entering the contest. -
this was a pretty good poem... you should try to decide whether or not your actully going to rhyme or not... you started off rhyming then quit, and then started again. all in all, it was a good poem, but try to work on the rhyme scheme
~Nick
-
-
The rhyming was not intended
-
-
oh my gosh this is a wonderfully written poem, I can so realt to this well sometime agao any way things are alot better now thatn what they were just truly amazing
-
I personally think that this is very brilliant. A little strange, and not so eloquent, but that kind of helps us to grasp the idea of Bipolar Disorder.
written very nicely.
~VoT
-
very nice...
i have an adopted sister that has a lot of emotional issues, so i can understand the real emotion in these words... one minute they love you, the next they try to kill you... very nicely written... good work ;-)
-
I have friends that suffer from this and it is so difficult on not only them but their friends and family as well... You did a wonderful job conveying that here....
-
the feeling was there but the detail was lacking....
-
Lets see... in my opionion... this was very BLUNT and kinda cliche... It was alright... You could've used WAYY more description though.
-
Excellent
I could relate to this very well for I am bi-polar. On to laugh and cry at the same time. Desperately needing someone to intervene only to do it all over again. Thank God for when we do fall asleep those racing thought of dread are given a break. Excellent write on bi-polar. Thank you for sharing with me.
Kelle Marie
stavykm
-
excellent. i dont understand why shes laughing while shes trying to commit suicide, but other than that, i really liked it. *she doesnt know why, but she's hurting inside * 1 misspelling.
-
really powerful and sad, and having many relatives who r bipolar (i have depression myself) u got the truth of it perfectly. great write, and if its about u, very honest, which i personally like in poems.
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
