[Random]

She walked past him. Like always, he said nothing. She couldn’t understand why it hurt so much. She wasn’t supposed to give a damn. But she did. It was like he had some kind of a hold of her that she couldn’t wiggle out of. And who knows, maybe she didn’t want to wiggle out of it. That was after all, the only way he would ever touch her. In her mind.

And that’s how she wanted it to be. Or so she thought.

She couldn’t understand him. He was a complex person with many barriers. Many faces. And she understood none of them. She wanted to, but it seemed that as though every time she tried, things just seemed to get worse.

And it wasn’t as though they weren’t friends. They were. They told each others things. She didn’t know whether or not he told other people those things, but they were pretty deep. So she guessed he didn’t tell most people.

Sometimes she felt like she knew him. Other times she couldn’t know him any less. There were good days when he would say something to her, and bad days when he would just make her feel like crap. But of course, those days were all the same to her because she loved him with all her heart. She just didn’t want to.

She always was the one who went crawling back. Never him. Maybe it was because he didn’t care. She thought he didn’t care. He sure didn’t act like he cared. And that’s another thing she didn’t get. He had so many faces; she just couldn’t learn them all. It was like memorizing a complex equation. The more you tried to, the more you mixed up variable and exponents. That was how figuring him out was. The more you tried to, the harder it was to figure out what he was thinking or what his true feelings were. This, obviously, was the whole point of being such a complex character. She guessed that he thought he should hurt everyone else before they could hurt him. Even though she was pretty sure that he didn’t do it intentionally. That’s just the way it came across. At least, that’s what she was hoping.

That was part of her problem. She put trust in people who she knew she shouldn’t. She believed the things that she shouldn’t have. She supposed that she just did that so that she didn’t have to deal with the fact that there was a possibility that her knight in shining armor was just a jerk in aluminum foil. It would hurt too much. She didn’t like pain; even though she was far too used to it.

She didn’t know how she was going to get through it. She didn’t know why she had to like him. She couldn’t even begin to explain WHY she liked him because she honestly didn’t know. Well, she did, but it was too hard to put into words. She supposed that maybe it was just the way he swaggered or the way that he looked like he had confidence in himself. Or maybe it was the smile he [rarely] gave her. She didn’t know if any of it was real, being that she couldn’t get to know the real him, but she knew that in due time, she would have to find out. That was just the way it was. Even if it meant her getting hurt, she just had to.

It wasn’t as though she didn’t try to get over him. She did try. Plenty of times. Especially when things got too complicated. That’s when she began to wonder what happened to the time where guys had cooties and picked their noses and looked a hot mess. She began to miss those times…very badly.

She couldn’t get him out her thoughts and more importantly, her heart. Or at least, the part of her heart that was still there, if any of it was even left. She began to think that love was getting way to dangerous. It involved too much emotion. Too many tears. And definitely too much pain. But for some reason, that didn’t stop her. No matter how many times she told herself that it would never work out or that things just weren’t meant to be or if she got mad at him…somehow just one insignificant glance at him would make her world spiral out of control. She never felt this way before. She didn’t know if this is what being in love consisted of. But whatever it was, she definitely didn’t like it.

What bothered her most is that she was used to being in control. Used to the whole routine of things. She was used to having her head screwed on right. But now, it was the complete opposite. She turned to complete mush whenever she saw him. She couldn’t think straight, and she didn’t even remember HALF the things she said to him whenever she talked to him. She hated to admit what she knew was true, she was heavily sprung. And it hurt even more than waking up in the middle of a surgery being performed on you. OUCH MUCH.

Honestly, how would he get hurt? He had girls left, right, and center. Hell. If he tried, he could probably have anyone he wanted. This is maybe why he didn’t try. Because then it would be too easy. And he liked the chase; loved playing the game of love…but only because he would always win.

And she knew that there was no turning back this time. Once you fell in love, there was no turning back. That is, if she was even in love. If she was even in love with the right personality. All she knew for sure was that someone was going to get hurt, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be him.

All she could do was sit down and begin playing the game of love…and try her best not to lose; even though in essence, she had nothing to lose. He had all she really needed after all…her heart.