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Butterflies

The gentle brush of your hand across my cheek,
my head resting against your chest.

The misery in your eyes,
when you say "I love you".
The misery in my heart,
because I can't have you.

Secret embraces in dark corners,
Hidden glances behind knowing eyes.
The endless torment blended
with butterflies.

Author notes

he's with another

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • DAMSELx
    May 27, 2008

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    WOW. This is short but says SO much in the few lines. This is a beautiful piece of love, torment, heartache and lies. Thank you for your entry, best of luck!

    --DAMSELx


  • GypsyEyes
    April 1, 2008

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    "secret lovers" soo ran through my mind while i read this! great job with this poem! amazing passion! thank you for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox


  • ThisIsMyWonderland
    March 17, 2008

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    I think you shouldn’t make this into a 4 line stanza. It just makes the words drawn out. Make it to lines such as

    “The gentle brush of your hand across my cheek,
    my head resting against your chest”

    Not ever stanza has to mirror the format. In fact sometimes it’s more exciting to switch it up every one once in a while.

    The next stanza is spectacular I can feel emotion in every word you wrote.
    I like how you used the title in the poem, its actually not so common anymore.

    I’m not sure I like the last stanza too much. It just doesn’t compare to the rest of the poem. Its bland and plain compared to the depth you put into the poem.


    Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    March 15, 2008

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    Congrats on all the shinys!

    A very sad piece, in my opinion it makes you human. We can't help who we fall in love with. A beautiful poem, superbly penned. Good luck in the contest


  • luna-midnight gold member
    February 16, 2008

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    ooohhh wow, what a sad poem, and yet so beautiful...aww im sorry it must hurt =(
    lovely write though
    stephanie =)


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    February 9, 2008

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    You captured that sneakiness and I guess desire good. It must be a terrible thing to be in love with someone you can't marry. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • Xx Secrets xX
    January 28, 2008

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    This is a beautiful write...I can feel emotion and it seems I can also hear you reading this poem to me! Great write and thank you so much for entering! This is what I asked for! Good luck in my contest!


  • Jasmine Rayne
    January 23, 2008

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    This is so intense. I really enjoyed it. I know exactly how you feel... it's much the same as I'm feeling now. Thank you for entering. Good luck. :]


  • zappa gold member
    January 19, 2008
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    This poem is superb, the situation however? not good/
    Heartache and misery will follow this course -as well as isolation. I am no Doctor and I cannot give professional advice, but this kind of love is textbook loneliness. I feel your pain dear poet.


  • gothicchildren05
    January 19, 2008

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    it doesn't make you a bad person or anything. that's how it was for me. it feels good at the time until the mind clicks with everything else and you are left there saying "this is wrong?" "but is it wrong?" "is this right?". it's not your fault however.....it's temptation taking over what the mind cannot let control. this is an excellent write and if it's meant to be, then it will be just don't blame yourself for anything that happens.

    thank you for entering and good luck. I know how it can be and I know how it can feel.


  • pantress silver member
    January 18, 2008
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    the only thing good, that can come of this whole situation, is this poem,, Nice write


  • LadyUnique silver member
    January 16, 2008

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    very good title the last line is smashing too

    I've been in this situation and you've captured the tortured joy of it.

    thank you for entering and best of luck


  • hey charlie
    January 15, 2008

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    Being in love with another woman's husband doesn't make you a bad person. We all can't be perfect human beings. I've never experienced what you have, I'm just 14. However, my mother cheated on my father with someone else. Being in love is a wonderful thing, and I'm not going to feed you the same crap I'm sure you've heard before. The only thing I will say is that people (his wife, their kids, family, whatever)that are unsuspecting at the moment may not be as forgiving as I was with my mother. Or as forgiving as my dad was. I love the write, it made me cry. The title is a bit long but now I see how it fits with the poem. Thanks for entering.


    • marciakay81
      January 15, 2008
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      well, I haven't slept with him...and I won't because of the fact that he is with someone else and has children...but it doesn't stop the way I feel. As long as he is with someone...he's off limits to me. It sucks but it's the truth.


  • over the rainbow--x
    January 5, 2008

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    Oh wow,
    I really like this [=

    'The endless torment blended
    with butterflies.' I love how its the title && then also used in the poem.

    This is loverly [= [=
    ♥

1 - 15 of 15