Gay For Johnny Depp

I’ve always been a heterosexual,
But I’m slightly metrosexual,
I’m a straight man,
Having sex with girls on the sand.

I’ve never looked at another guy,
Never asked myself if I should or why.
But something happened, made me think,
Am I straight or do I drink,
From the cup of homo love…

Because I’m gay for Johnny Depp!
Johnny Depp, Jack Sparrow, you bet!
He can be captain of my ship!
I’d join him for a skinny dip!

I watch him on TV,
Wishing he could see,
This guy who worships him at an altar every morning and sacrifices goats for the dark gods who he hopes will bring him his hero whom he loves like a lover and they could hide under the covers for the entire night and I’ll take on his wife and fight.

He just oozes coolness
From every single orifice.
His dreamy eyes
Are his disguise.

I’m gay for Johnny Depp.
It’s a secret I have kept
From me wife and kids,
As I hide in the dark and watch his vids.

Oh, Johnny, I love you!
Leave your wife, it’s just us two.
I write this to make you smitten,
Fall for the guy with the kittens who wants to take you to Paris and throw money from the top of the Eiffel Tower just to see what would happen, hang on, I think I’ve hit a cop, oh dear, I’m being sent to prison, wait for me Johnny, visit me and protect me from those burly guys who keep saying I’m their girlfriend. Wait, what are you doing with my wife?! Divorce papers?! No, I’m not stalking you! Wait, hang on, man, put down those scissors in you hand!

Johnny Depp is all I wanna be,
The guy I dream I can one day see.
But for now, I have my DVDs.
 
I’m be quietly gay for Johnny Depp,
Never tell a soul, oh, you bet.
I’m secretly gay for Johnny Depp,
This will be my secret well kept.

I’m so gay for Johnny Depp…