As thoughts disperse
I work on verse
throughout the dreary night
In hopes the sun
greets what’s been done
and smiles with delight
A fight with time
to make it rhyme
has left a scar on page
And crumpled heaps
instead of sleep
has put me in a rage
Eraser dust
and pizza crust
have fallen on the floor
The wife’s in bed
I’m here instead
courting my muse, that whore
The meter’s off
I laugh, then scoff
at notes I’ve penciled down
My grammar’s weak
and fails critique
as verbs bitch slap my nouns
I hear a crow
and ponder Poe
then curse the pendulum
That ticks the tock
and laughs and mocks
as I sit here staring dumb
Thoughts of Service
leave me nervous
and chilled like Yukon air
I scribe away
an ink ballet
called The Poet’s Prayer
Lord, send me words
that fly like birds
across these pages, white
So I may rest
upon her breast
and kiss my wife goodnight!
Amen
Author notes
As with all my poetry, I appreciate constructive feedback so that I can improve as a writer. Please give it to me straight, I'm a big boy, I can take it.
A contest entry
- Writer's Block by Desdmona.
600 points, ended March 27, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I don't know what to make of you...you just keep suprising me..so now I should not be suprised at all the different directions you lead us readers...smiles that go for miles
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Parts made me laugh and others made me sympathedic. I liked the idea of the prayer and how you ended it with Amen. Some of the rhyme, however, seemed forced but overall well done. Good job and good luck. ~Des
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Hey Rory
Nice piece of light prose.
You'll do well in this contest!
John-Nevada USA
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wow
you have described the very agitating process of making your write worth the read..hehe..wow..and fighting with your muse..yeah...have been there many times..your flow is a little cumbersome..with the verse I scribe away..not sure how you can correct that though..i have no suggestions..that being..this is a fantastic write..very much enjoyed...thanx so much for sharing..blessings..namaste..
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AMAZING!!! I love how you bring the boring cliche rhyme schemes to life by addressing how bad the were, it's like a poetry game and made me laugh. I thought this was very creative and you magically avoided making this read as cliche simply by addressing it. Great job here!
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This is great....It flows really well and none of the rhyme appears forced to me....I found it humorous and very light hearted , well done ... It brought a smile to my face....
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I loved this...its soo true, as i sit here struggling to find my Muse...well ok the last stanza does not apply to me but this was a great look back and journey of how we all struggle as writers/poets...well done...
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As with all your poetry you must realize that I, "click the mouse, avoid my spouse, and regret the whole affair. I miss your rhyme, lose track of time, and you both think I don't care." Do you know that when I click on AP, often, so many of my 'favorites' have added things that if you entered a new piece it has slipped beyond my view while I was sleeping or away. I do not know that you have written a masterpiece or a blunder. Happily, I took tonight to try and review some things I might have missed and stumbled in here. I am somewhat ashamed of both myself and you. I would never skip over anything you post if I knew it was there and if you do not have the common horse sense to alert me when you have written something I have not commented on in a few days then I am offended. I thought my opinion meant a little to you. I caught the Service line immediately. Of course I did, because we are friends. This is an endearing piece that while light has so much to say about us as 'brothers in ink'. I have lived this over and over in my life just like you spoke it. Please notify me when you have a new write. It is not arrogant to do so, just common courtesy. I somehow feel that what I write is somehow 'important'. I feel no differently about your work, but you already know that. Don't leave me in the dust again. RC
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I Can See Why
so many of us at Ap can relate so easily to this.
Spending resting hours chasing the mind, pondering life, trying to set it into words to convey a few musings. Well said as always.
Thank you for sharing.
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I enjoyed this... sometimes I feel like this myself. Overall, I think my favorite verse is:
My grammar’s weak
and fails critique
as verbs bitch slap my nouns
Cheers to a good write!
-Liv -
I love it!
Clever, nicely rhymed and fun to read! May your poet's prayer be answered so you can get some much needed rest and the comfort of a breast.
Amen.
Maureen
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Excellent!
I love the way you used the words !
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Fantastico!
I don't understand the line "Thoughts of Service", but other than that I think this is really good. It's great the way you personefied your grammar, it just makes for a very charming piece of poetry. You did well, it's a poem that many people can relate to, a challenge for some of the best poets.
Well done
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all right poem and funny one of which I have been in many times thanks for sharing
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Excellent
I can identifies, empathize,and sympathize, Rory. In the second verse, how about this?
"In hopes the sun
greets what’s been done
while smiling with delight
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Know just how this feels Rory...(apart from the last verse that is) LOL. excellent write that rhymes extreemly well... Hope you find your muse...mal
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I like this a lot, Rory. The rhyming scheme is very attractive and fairly races along, the content is both amusing and truthful and there are some really good lines--I especially like "...as verbs bitchslap my nouns."
Cheers,
Bill
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haha, thanks Bill...sometimes you dance with the muse, other times you roll around on the floor with her.
Rory
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