~ Instability~

Tangled within instability

creeping thoughts of insanity;

Fight within continues to grow

knocking out true reality.

Creeping thoughts of insanity

growing manifestation wins;

Suffocating clarification,

envy grows rooted like green ooze.

Fight within continues to grow;

Focus is kaleidoscopic

staggered and obscured in self pity,

smile is shimmering with darkness.

Knocking out true reality

subconscious lost and forgotten,

jealousy found the finish line

tangled within instability.

Author notes

Picture from http://freethumbs.dreamstime.com/196/big/free_1965604.jpg
~ RETOURNE~

Like so many other French forms, the Retourne is all about repetition.
It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables.
The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line,
the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's
fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.
Theme Green,

A contest entry

NO GREENS - ROUND 2 - Invitation Only by Pamela A Lamppa. 3000 points, ended January 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Idle Mind Wondering
January 19, 2008

Edit | Reply

I like where you took this prompt, as well as, your colorful descriptions of the mental manipulations involved. very well done.

Line eight is 9 syl. so I dropped "deep" and it read well

ken
celadia
January 11, 2008
Edit | Reply

This was interesting and I like the repitition and the subject matter.
Pamela A Lamppa
January 5, 2008

Edit | Reply

I think you handled the form well and I kind of like the use of the first line as the last as well. Not necessary for retourne, but a nice touch.
The poetic device to be used is simile. You noted smile as a word to use. BUT you did use simile "like green ooze" AND GREEN Lots of nice green, and I do like that image very much.

Thank you so much for your entry. We will be back before the judging to take another look at the entries so do eel free to tweak if you like. ~Pamela
misticmoonlite
January 5, 2008
Edit | Reply

you did a fine job on this form, I tried it and ...I gave up...lol good luck in this contest, MM
he broke me
January 5, 2008
Edit | Reply

i liked ur poem it was hood and the picture kinda made me go a lil wonky cos i should be in bed LOL