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~ Instability~



Tangled within instability
creeping  thoughts of  insanity;
Fight within continues to grow
knocking out true reality.

Creeping thoughts of insanity
growing manifestation wins;
Suffocating clarification,
envy grows rooted like green ooze.


Fight within continues to grow;
Focus is kaleidoscopic
staggered and obscured in self pity,
smile is shimmering with darkness.


Knocking out true reality
subconscious lost and forgotten,
jealousy found the finish line
tangled within instability.

Author notes

Picture from http://freethumbs.dreamstime.com/196/big/free_1965604.jpg
~ RETOURNE~

Like so many other French forms, the Retourne is all about repetition.
It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables.
The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line,
the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's
fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.
Theme Green,

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like where you took this prompt, as well as, your colorful descriptions of the mental manipulations involved. very well done.

    Line eight is 9 syl. so I dropped "deep" and it read well

    ken

  • celadia
    January 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was interesting and I like the repitition and the subject matter.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I think you handled the form well and I kind of like the use of the first line as the last as well. Not necessary for retourne, but a nice touch.
    The poetic device to be used is simile. You noted smile as a word to use. BUT you did use simile "like green ooze" AND GREEN Lots of nice green, and I do like that image very much.

    Thank you so much for your entry. We will be back before the judging to take another look at the entries so do eel free to tweak if you like. ~Pamela


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you did a fine job on this form, I tried it and ...I gave up...lol good luck in this contest, MM


  • he broke me
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i liked ur poem it was hood and the picture kinda made me go a lil wonky cos i should be in bed LOL

1 - 5 of 5