my conscious seems to clear me of this dread
it's on my shoulders now instead of my head
it's slowing me up, it's weighing me down
this pain is like led, I feel I could drown
but you saw it all
all you did was stare, you acted so blind,
you're so unfair, your put a knife in my back
all I did was care
now here's my revenge, so bitter yet sweet
I'll tear you apart from your head to your feet
I'll quit loving you, oh wouldn't that bee neat
I'll end it all so deliberately discrete
A contest entry
- [[Rawr --options-- by sparkling-assassin.
300 points, ended January 30, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think in general? Improvements?
Comments
-
What I love about this is the "real" feel to it. I could easily see myself saying this to myself and think many could with heartbreak. A very nicely done piece. I feel it.
-
oh wow this is soemotional i loved it.... i specially like the last stanza... my own thought sometimes is revenge is so much sweeter and yet i dont want to be like them
Adding your comment:
