As I look into my hands what do I see?
A black ten looking back at me.
Just underneath, a jack, queen, king and ace.
All suited in spades looking back in my face.
I've got the winning hand and there is no losing for me.
Defeat is not an option but it's more than your eyes can see.
The ten I hold in my hand is more than just a number or card.
It represents the ten demons that I have fought so hard.
The jack indicates the boy whom I love.
my son, my child sent from above.
The queen is the card that gives meaning to life.
The queen is the woman who I call my wife.
The king that I hold in my hand represents the man who I am.
A husband and a father and a dedicated man.
Last but not least in my hand is the ace that I hold.
It represents a family as one and a hand I'll never fold.
Author notes
option # 2....the good life
In a list
- HONORABLE MENTIONS • next in list
- GOLD TROPHIES • next in list
- PERSONAL POEMS • next in list
- SILVER TROPHIES • next in list
A contest entry
- 36 -40 ages only Enter your best Prewrite Judged by RedwingSpirit.
475 points, ended January 18, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by karmacae.
700 points, ended February 14, 2008, 67 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Meaning Of Life by sleepingINblackRain.
380 points, ended March 31, 2008, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be Yourself Be Honest Be Happy by P. W. Blackwell.
375 points, ended March 30, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Laugh and/or Cry by rhyana.
525 points, ended June 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What are your thoughts on this topic?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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inspirational. nifty pic to go with it. feels more thoughtful than emotional.
ten demons? for curiosity's sake a little elaboration would've been nice there, it feels like a story waiting to be told. stating without giving details makes this feel like you've left the most interesting parts unsaid.
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Hmmmm, I like this. I like the metaphor for the great hand in cards and how it represents a great hand in life.
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this is so beautiful and captivating. it's a creative take on family and i loved it. thank you so much for the entry i appreciate it and good luck
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i like it it describes you life so well from somthing that no one would ever think of using
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when i saw cards and the poem started out with poker i was thrown off a bit, but very pleasantly suprised by the end of the poem.
Thanks for entering such an endearing peice -
quite an interesting and unique piece ...I thank you for entering my contest much love, Raneika
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Excellent!
This is just amazing and very creative.
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This is such a great piece. I love how you used the cards to tell your feelings. I enjoyed this very much!
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I have to be honest, when I started to read the first few lines I said, "oh man, its going to be about poker and the love of the game." but it turned out to be your family. its very sweet, I love the metaphors. =]
Good write && good luck
-Raging Chaos -
I love the metaphor of cards for your family. I'm sure it's been used before, but you did it quite well.
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OH my gosh! This is so sweet, what a lovely family poem. Great write. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Hello there and thanks for entering reading your piece was moving and very creative thanks for sharing and best of luck to you
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Cool
This is amazing! I love how you fit a deeply emotional meening to every card for a royal flush! Genious!!! -
Great write, very original and a wonderful way of expressing your love of your family. Thanks for entering.
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This is a modern take on the old, old song - "A Deck of Cards" - that puts a new face on the old idea, "what goes around comes around", as we used to say. Enjoyable and lively.
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What a wonderful way to say how much your family means to you..I love it...Good luck in the contest, Crystalgodess
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This is an excellent poem; so bright and cheerful and it shows just how many things can be cherished in our lives.
Thank you very much for entering =) -
Excellent extended metaphor. Thanks for entering.
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Great write! Thanks for entering!!!
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I've never thought about cards in that way... You have a great talent here and I hope that you keep using your talent and I hope that you keep writing and expanding the things you know. Good luck in my contest.
~Maria -
Great Message
This is a straightforward, sincere write. It's too easy for something like this to get sappy and overly sentimental, but you just lay it out there without flogging it to death.
The "ten demons" are not familiar to me. Personally, I only have three or four, but they keep me on my toes.
One grammatical gotcha — "The jack represents the boy whom I love." The boy is the object in that clause. (I can always tell by substituting "he" or "him": I wouldn't say "I love he," I'd say "I love him" so this time it's whom.)
The last line is a little awkward to my ear. It seems like it could be tightened up and simplified a bit. Something like "It represents my family, a hand I'll never fold."
It's an interesting comparison to take a poker hand, which is associated with gambling, whiskey, and smoke-filled, seedy back rooms, and using it as a metaphor in stark contrast to those images. This is a very successful write. -
What a neat write!
I have never read something so... cool. I love your simple, yet impacting, symbolism in this write!
Thanks for sharing & entering my contest A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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It's really good. The rhyming and metaphor are of great quality. The cards are played very well in your poem. Well done!
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Good metaphor
I really liked the metaphor. The rhyme is simple but it works. At times some lines stretch on a bit to arrive at the rhyme. They could be simplified. -
Nice job here! I enjoyed how you used the metaphor of a hand of cards to represent your life and those you love and cherish. Strong write too, with passion. Best to you in the contest! Be blessed!--Kel :
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Outstanding
I liked the originality of your metaphor - you would not normally associate a card hand with a family but it works really well. The poem has great flow. I loved the last line which made me think of the bond of love we have with our families - something that is so important i our lives. A well-written poem with a subtle use of rhyme.
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That is supah-cute.
I've never understood poker, though I'd love to learn...
Anyway, I liked the way you connected it to your life.
I thought it was just gonna be about poker, straight-on (which woulda been kinda cute to actually) but no.
Keep it up. (:
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