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the moon keeps secrets well

 
 
 
 
 
winter is not sad,
just empty
 
confused
 
it hangs as a pause,
a demented comma that catches
in teeth
where words huddle in prayer.
 
 
in this dark cavern of mouth,
this church so like the moon,
its hymns both
beautiful and stark,
 
we ask a real lady
how to wear those traits with grace

while filled with passion.
 
 
or does she also wait for flowers,
for colourful light to thaw from tongue
and warmth to breathe limbs fearless
enough to fall.
 
 
to fall
beyond a heavy sky.
 
 
 
at night, I read the clouds
to my other self,
dark prophecies, like those that Emily
foretold. I wonder, if like hers, ours
are inevitable,
 
or whether a faith in spring
is enough,
 
when everything is silence.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • AJ Morelli gold member
    January 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i think the first three lines are too weak for the rest of the piece and the rest of the piece is incredibly good. full of wonderful phrasing:

    "this church so like the moon,
    its hymns both
    beautiful and stark"



    "or whether a faith in spring
    is enough,

    when everything is silence."


    great work... i think the personification of winter that opens the piece fails to live up to the brilliance of the the rest, winter can't be sad or confused but it can be empty...

    a stronger opening and you have yourself one hell of a poem


  • tara wilson gold member
    January 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    powerful question here..beautiful poetry..

  • vertigo beat
    January 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i really like your diction. reminds me a little of a favorite of mine. very well done.


  • le soir
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh my - you sure are going to steal the gold; so many memorable lines and ideas here

    and love the title - had to read it. it's the moon!


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    January 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There's so much about this to love...this is only one of them:
    "or does she also wait for flowers,
    for colourful light to thaw from tongue
    and warmth to breathe limbs fearless
    enough to fall."

  • Rowan gold member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are more spring, than you know. But this definitely made me see another side to winter. Loved it.


  • Nicolette gold member
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Extremeley moving and beautiful winter poetry... love this one.

    ~ Nicolette


  • misselaineous
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • layla.
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "at night, I read the clouds
    to my other self,
    dark prophecies, like those that Emily
    foretold. I wonder, if like hers, ours
    are inevitable,"


    *applaud*

1 - 9 of 9