Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Free Write 1

She lies in broken fields
with crimson roses thorns for a bed.
At dawn the hills scream with sunlight
as buzzards soar 'round roadkill.
Stammering, I narrated the accident.
With rubberneckers looking backward,
I caught the crowd grimace in small corners.
I drank too much absinthe and pondered death
while the stench sweats in nostrils
and hangs under noses that burn.
The real nightmare is
juxtaposed your fantasies,

luring your deepest wishes on

with tight lingerie.
I ate twice-baked potatoes with my super-ego
we discussed our personal dramas and political progress
or lack thereof.
I ache with truth longing for the days of
young and dumb
because that was bliss.
Shades of dreams slither into mind
missing pieces of hearts mingled with old lovers
broken glass memories that twinkle

in the light of sadness and regret. 

Forked-tongue flickering forget-me-nots.

 

Author notes

editing is easy with stream of consciousness writing!

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • paulcreates silver member
    April 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    There's alot of intensity in this write.
    Thank you for entering.
    Paul


  • Blooming Poet
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful entry. I absoultly love it. Your talent shines through ever so bright here.

    forked toungue flickering forget-me-nots.



  • Celinda Luna
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful and lyrical

    Love lines 1, 3, 13 and the ending. Plus the line about the super ego. Full of imagery and very visual.


  • A60sMan
    January 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I have a new favorite

    "Luring your deepest wishes on
    with tight lingerie
    I ate twice-baked potatoes with my super-ego"

    This is spectacular metaphor. The whole of this poem is a compelling read. I'm going to look deeper into your work. But, please correct the typo of "sadness" in your penultimate line.

    A60sMan


    • nitefire
      January 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comments...Thank you endlessly for the corrections!I would be honored to have any of my work read although I don't have much up yet.


  • DreamReader
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the beginning...the imagery is great and the emotions were conveyed really well...good write!!!

1 - 6 of 6