the long afternoon
sweats you
slow
across skin
flowers
in strict rows
iris and narcissus
follow
the sun down
a bent stalk
of sky
In a list
A contest entry
- ~ here in the orchard we have grown old ~ by Zayra.
1800 points, ended January 16, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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oh ...yes ... nicely done ! ... very nice ... love those line breaks and pivots all the way down the page ..
luverly poetry >>> Gina -
"the long afternoon
sweats you"
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Yeah, this is definitely gold . . . I reckon there was a word limit? Outstanding imagery, letting the verbs do most of the work, as any good poet knows.
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Beautiful write. Well deserving of gold. This poem is very metaphorical and brings much imagery to the reader's mind. Keep writing.
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Compact with impact.Liked the way the poet even reduced "slowly" to "slow" to reduce the pace of the poem even further, there is a sense of anticipation meeting obligation ( the strictness of the rows reminded me of the straight spine of sitting in church) but maybe am diving too deeply! Congratulations on a well deserved trophy placement.
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Too smart for me
Do not get it in all my wisdom but I have'nt participated in a while. -
Congratulations al, more than deserved.
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sweet piece. i woulg gladly pay the three even if out of my own bank. excellent.
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Small poem, maybe...but overflowing. Comgrats on the gold.
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Congratulations~~I knew this one was golden
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What a wonder!
Congratulations on a Gold win that is well deserved. There are volumes in the brevity penned here. ~sigh~
Much Love ♥
Renee
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what they said
and congrats for a well deserved win.
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"in strict rows" is sorta rigid and in contrast to the softness of the rest of the poem which speaks in whispers. Lovely poem. Yes it is.
Desiree
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I love the exquisite brevity of this
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this is my favorite part:
the long afternoon
sweats you
slow
across skin
flowers
in strict rows
iris and narcissus
follow
the sun down
a bent stalk
of sky
m -
absolutely gorgeous....
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simplicity to marvel over!
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something sexy about the start of this that turns so serious... and then when the sun sets i feel permission once again for sexy....
enjoyed lots!
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Simple & genius! Love it.
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This is beautiful piece, AJ. I love it.
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isn't it funny how something just pops..
The long afternoon sweats you ... Damn man.. for some reason I have had that feeling.. but I can also picture it in a mans eyes..
You write so smooth.
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simply beautiful.
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Now that finish, "a bent stalk of sky" was just brilliant. Fives words that carry an image forever. Poetry really, 'really' does not get much better than that
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good small poems are always
a few inches more than
the void can take
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10 more
cuz this is so good.
me.. or
someone much like me
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Becky
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*
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This is wonderful, Al - lovely alliteration too...
~ Nicolette
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they say that the best things come in small packages
if this is anything to go by
then that is true
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