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small poem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the long afternoon
sweats you

slow
across skin

 

 

flowers
in strict rows

iris and narcissus

follow

 

the sun down

 

a bent stalk

of sky

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Emerald13
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    oh ...yes ... nicely done ! ... very nice ... love those line breaks and pivots all the way down the page ..

    luverly poetry >>> Gina

  • ardentMarch gold member
    March 23
    Edit | Reply
    "the long afternoon
    sweats you"


  • Jaden silver member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, this is definitely gold . . . I reckon there was a word limit? Outstanding imagery, letting the verbs do most of the work, as any good poet knows.

  • Arzab
    January 19

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. Well deserving of gold. This poem is very metaphorical and brings much imagery to the reader's mind. Keep writing.

  • Yvette Champ
    January 18

    Edit | Reply
    Compact with impact.Liked the way the poet even reduced "slowly" to "slow" to reduce the pace of the poem even further, there is a sense of anticipation meeting obligation ( the strictness of the rows reminded me of the straight spine of sitting in church) but maybe am diving too deeply! Congratulations on a well deserved trophy placement.


  • boilerjim
    January 17
    Edit | Reply

    Too smart for me

    Do not get it in all my wisdom but I have'nt participated in a while.

  • Rowan gold member
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations al, more than deserved.

  • voices
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    sweet piece. i woulg gladly pay the three even if out of my own bank. excellent.

  • Small poem, maybe...but overflowing. Comgrats on the gold.


  • Saffron gold member
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations~~I knew this one was golden

  • poetryality silver member
    January 16

    Edit | Reply

    What a wonder!

    Congratulations on a Gold win that is well deserved. There are volumes in the brevity penned here. ~sigh~



    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • Just Rob gold member
    January 16
    Edit | Reply

    what they said

    and congrats for a well deserved win.

  • Desiree Darkk
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    "in strict rows" is sorta rigid and in contrast to the softness of the rest of the poem which speaks in whispers. Lovely poem. Yes it is.

    Desiree


  • Saffron gold member
    January 14
    Edit | Reply
    I love the exquisite brevity of this


  • Cat gold member
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    this is my favorite part:


    the long afternoon
    sweats you

    slow
    across skin



    flowers
    in strict rows

    iris and narcissus

    follow



    the sun down



    a bent stalk

    of sky





    m

  • Zayra
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    absolutely gorgeous....


  • Utok Bulinaw
    January 12
    Edit | Reply

  • pithyaplomb
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    simplicity to marvel over!


  • Grunts Girl
    January 10

    Edit | Reply
    something sexy about the start of this that turns so serious... and then when the sun sets i feel permission once again for sexy....
    enjoyed lots!


  • Drupadee
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    Simple & genius! Love it.


  • mantis180
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful piece, AJ. I love it.

  • Catressa gold member
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    isn't it funny how something just pops..

    The long afternoon sweats you ... Damn man.. for some reason I have had that feeling.. but I can also picture it in a mans eyes..

    You write so smooth.




  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    January 7
    Edit | Reply


    simply beautiful.




  • EvilKate gold member
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Now that finish, "a bent stalk of sky" was just brilliant. Fives words that carry an image forever. Poetry really, 'really' does not get much better than that



  • good small poems are always
    a few inches more than
    the void can take


  • Cat gold member
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    10 more

    cuz this is so good.

    me.. or
    someone much like me


  • zochit2me gold member
    January 5
    Edit | Reply


    Becky


  • Redstormy gold member
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    *


  • Nicolette gold member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful, Al - lovely alliteration too...

    ~ Nicolette


  • misselaineous gold member
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    they say that the best things come in small packages
    if this is anything to go by
    then that is true

1 - 30 of 30