the long afternoon
sweats you
slow
across skin
flowers
in strict rows
iris and narcissus
follow
the sun down
a bent stalk
of sky
In a list
A contest entry
- ~ here in the orchard we have grown old ~ by Heart Sutra.
1800 points, ended January 16, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
-
Wow what a beautiful little gem this is
-
this is just wonderful poetry
-
gorgeous
and perfectly constructed
in my humble opinion
congratulations on gold
it was well-earned
-
A very beautiful write. Your words are lofty, and the imagery is absolutely breath-taking. The attention to the minute details, and soft words heavy in meaning do it for me.
-
Lovely....
you write in a way that reminds me of a Haijin. You show & have stark presentation that leaves an impression. Bravo!
Worthy of that Gold.
A mature writer. 
-
this is beautiful
and very inspiring.
-
if this is such a thing - severely gorgeous...
glad I came by to find this in your featured. it's remiss to take so long to read such great writing.
Kim
-
Superb Plus
A very fine write, indeed. I liked the imagery which this conjured up. Thanks for sharing this with us. -
quite a
nice little
poem
this one
I think
without doubt
yes
oh yes -
nice
This poem is reminisent of a haiku. Is this a haiku? I don't think so, but I recently grasp the concept of them and It's about a passing moment when a thought or realization (sp?) hits you. Your poem reminds me of the hot muggy summers when you are too busy appreciating the small things to notice the heat, sweat, bugs, etc. -
Superb
Indeed, 'tis a very fine write. You expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
oh ...yes ... nicely done ! ... very nice ... love those line breaks and pivots all the way down the page ..
luverly poetry >>> Gina -
"the long afternoon
sweats you"
-
Yeah, this is definitely gold . . . I reckon there was a word limit? Outstanding imagery, letting the verbs do most of the work, as any good poet knows.
-
Beautiful write. Well deserving of gold. This poem is very metaphorical and brings much imagery to the reader's mind. Keep writing.
-
Compact with impact.Liked the way the poet even reduced "slowly" to "slow" to reduce the pace of the poem even further, there is a sense of anticipation meeting obligation ( the strictness of the rows reminded me of the straight spine of sitting in church) but maybe am diving too deeply! Congratulations on a well deserved trophy placement.
-
Too smart for me
Do not get it in all my wisdom but I have'nt participated in a while. -
Congratulations al, more than deserved.
-
sweet piece. i woulg gladly pay the three even if out of my own bank. excellent.
-
Small poem, maybe...but overflowing. Comgrats on the gold.
-
Congratulations~~I knew this one was golden
-
What a wonder!
Congratulations on a Gold win that is well deserved. There are volumes in the brevity penned here. ~sigh~
Much Love ♥
Renee
-
what they said
and congrats for a well deserved win.
-
"in strict rows" is sorta rigid and in contrast to the softness of the rest of the poem which speaks in whispers. Lovely poem. Yes it is.
Desiree
-
I love the exquisite brevity of this
-
this is my favorite part:
the long afternoon
sweats you
slow
across skin
flowers
in strict rows
iris and narcissus
follow
the sun down
a bent stalk
of sky
m -
absolutely gorgeous....
-
-
simplicity to marvel over!
-
something sexy about the start of this that turns so serious... and then when the sun sets i feel permission once again for sexy....
enjoyed lots!
-
Simple & genius! Love it.
-
This is beautiful piece, AJ. I love it.
-
isn't it funny how something just pops..
The long afternoon sweats you ... Damn man.. for some reason I have had that feeling.. but I can also picture it in a mans eyes..
You write so smooth.
-
simply beautiful.
-
Now that finish, "a bent stalk of sky" was just brilliant. Fives words that carry an image forever. Poetry really, 'really' does not get much better than that
-
good small poems are always
a few inches more than
the void can take
-
10 more
cuz this is so good.
me.. or
someone much like me
-
Becky
-
*
-
This is wonderful, Al - lovely alliteration too...
~ Nicolette
-
they say that the best things come in small packages
if this is anything to go by
then that is true
Adding your comment:
1 - 41 of 41
