I'm 3 years old and somethings wrong,
Mommy and Daddy are not getting along,
And no matter how young I am,
I hate their fighting.
I'm 6 years old and we've stopped going to church,
Mommy says its all to much to handle.
But when they're not looking, every night,
I get down on my knees and pray to end the fights.
Because I'm a little older now,
And I still hate their fighting.
I'm 10 years old and it's my birthday today,
But my Daddy is gone, he ran away.
And Mommy went out drinkng,
But at least there's no more bickering.
Because I hate their fighting.
I'm 13 now, and I don't like school,
The kids there all make fun of me.
Because their Mommy's and Daddy's read in the paper,
That my Daddy's in jail.
And they think that I'm a bad little girl,
And that I'll rub off on whoever so much,
Is kind enough to sit with me at lunch.
And everyday at school,
There's more fighting.
I'm 16 now and my daddys out,
It's been two weeks and he dropped by the house.
There were men with him,
He said were his friends,
And he asked me if I could leave for a while,
He needed to speak with Mommy.
So I left, and I didn't know that,
Mommy and Daddy were fighting.
I came back from the library,
My nose so deep in a brand new book,
That when an abulance went by, I didn't even look.
And I didn't realize till I got to the house,
That the screaming sirens were for Mommy.
Daddy and Mommy were in a big fight,
Only this time, Daddy used his knife.
And he shed mommy's blood on the floor,
And now they can't fight anymore.
Every night when I said those prayers,
When I asked God to make them stop fighting.
I guess that they are answered now,
But I'll always miss my Mommy.
Author notes
I was inspired by that song "Little Girl"
I thought it was such a sad song, and it makes you appreiciate what you have. He brought God into it a lot, so thats what I tried to do here.
A contest entry
- Traumatic Events - Rape by TheGangstress.
600 points, ended June 14, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - sad poems!!! ENTER NOW!!! by PrettyPrincess206.
323 points, ended July 7, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotion is the murderer of me by spot49.
550 points, ended October 7, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, dark, and even darker by Luciferschild.
600 points, ended February 24, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Peer Pressure the Third! You Decide the Winner! PW by Zenda-Lokki.
1400 points, ended July 2, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
-
Tragic!
An extreamly difficult subject matter to muse on.
I'd have to say thought, that the emotion throughout was spot on and I feel many, many people will relate to its story.
Thank you for entering "Peer Pressure the Third" and good luck.
Zenda -
Peer Pressure :)
This was a touching poem; the fourth stanza really tore me up as the same thing happened to me when my uncle went to prison.
Keep up the amazing work, my friend, and best of luck in the contest
Maria
-
word choice is the only problem with this poem, besides that i really liked it. thank you for entering and good luck
-
WOW!!! I absolutely LOVE this poem. It's very amazingly written. I mean, seriously, just absolutely amazing! Excellent. Good Job. It's all clear and shows the cycle of how things such as this occur. I love it. Great Write.
-
Very Good
I wrote a similar poem about a mother and father fighting, this one is so much similar to the one I wrote in 2003. Yours is much better written and I appluad your writing.
Very well written, sad but nice.
-
omg thats horrible if this is true im so sorry!
But I really liked it, i had cold chills as i read it.
-
This is a very touching poem, very emotional, but there is only one problem: there's no event of rape in it, and that's what the contest is about.
-
wow...such a sad poem. touches my heart. good work!
-
i cant totally relate to this and i think that so many others can too! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
-
OHH MY. This is so sad. It's one of those poems where you read it and then you just sit in your chair in awe of the content
-
OMG! I am sooooo relieved that this did not happen to you! I know it has happened to someone tho and that is so upsetting. WOW great poem...very emotional ...and i can relate to the last stanza. and my boyfriend's mother died on his 5th birthday and he was at the neighbors house playing...and he always says that he heard and saw the ambulance...and thought it was cool, then to find that they were at his house taking his mother. So sad...
-
Don't change a thing about this poem, every aspect, every line, every word is perfect. I know what song your talking about, definitly got those vibes. Really great poem, its heart wrentching, emotional, full of passion. Its so sad that people have to live this every day, especially young children, but you have taken that feeling and made it into a beautiful poem that we can read and relate to these people, these children.
Please write more poems like this, I know animal abuse poems are more your thing, but really, this made for an amazing read.
Seth
-
this piece is definitely powerful. reading it brought up some old issues i had as a kid. very strong. it could use a little fine tuning to strengthen it further however.
i'm going to start with grammar issues, particularly commas. because a misplaced comma signals the reader to stop at places that interfere with the flow of the writing. it's not necessarily about being grammatically correct, there's a lot of leeway in poetry, but you don't want it to interfere with the point you're trying to get across.
second - and. and is a useful word, a staple of sentence construction. but it's a connector, it doesn't convey emotion. same with but, come to look at it. they're necessary in places but they're generally best used in the middle of lines and not at the beginnings. read through any line beginning with and or but, then take it off. if the line still retains the same meaning, it's only going to strengthen your writing to remove them.
there are a few other minor issues with contractions. once again, nothing major - just little fixes to strengthen the overall read.
-
oh my goodness!
this is heartwrenching!!! what a painful read this is!
you have masterfully drawn the reader into this with cunning imagery...
you really should try your gifted hand at prose...
I think you have a real talent for painting stories...
I will carry this image with me for a very long time...
very well done!
Blessings! Tammy
xoxoxoxoxo
-
WOAH!!! I think this poem is really deep. I would say which line was my least favorite...but there are none...I loved them all! It made me sad and angry for the little girl..I also felt like killing the dad. ^-^ I think you are an amazing writer, and that you should continue writing like this! I will definately be looking out for more work by you!
Wonderful and Amazing!
Luna.
-
powerful
I can relate to this poem in certain ways. The power within this poem is moving. the power of prayer within one child that never gave up her faith and wished for her family to be "normal" so to speak. It's sad when children get stuck in the middle of a situation that's bigger than they are. You're words brought tears to my eyes the emotions gave me chills as the thoughts and powerful images within this poem came flooding into a reality I've experienced myself. Congrats on a very powerful,emotional,moving piece.
-
that is sad but powerfull. It is sad that even in the saddest situations someone can still be glad for one little thing like no more fighting for the night.Oh my gosh that is really sad.
-
I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. This is the sad reality for too many kids.
Great write!
-
oh wow its so sad if i were a crying girl i would have
-
Kids have no say in how their parents treat each other, or them for that matter. So sad when these things happen. No fights, but at the loss of a life. Liked the flow, the rhythm, rhyme and message you share in these lines. Easy to read and understand what you are saying here. Wish kids had it easier at times.
-
i liked it a lot. i think you def. conveyed how she was feeling at all different ages and stages. great write. great read. thanks for sharing.
-
this is a sad piece, and even sadder, all to true within the walls of our cities...violence is often glorified, yet when strickenly real, it becomes as a destructive tornado, wiping away life
good write, and thank you for sharing -
oh wow this was something else i will have to say this much but it was very good, very good indeed keep this up you are a talented writer i loved it,
nessa -
Omg..this is a very powerful poem..it effortlessly evoked a strong emotion in me..u have a talent that many promising writers could only wish for
-
This is a touching stroy of the girl revealing the bitter truths of life..you brought tears in my eyes..a great write is here..
Adding your comment:
1 - 25 of 25
