Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Skinny Day

Daylight too scarce to charge the solar lamps,
confused, the fox slinks from the coppice
skinny in the middle of noon
he rattles the dustbin lids
for galvanised pickings.

Supercilious black cat
plump fur pressed against warm window pane
gazes on 
her eyes glitter emerald
through waxy  winter jasmine
she smiles snidely
Charlie howls
at a streetlamp
he thinks is the moon
come down to earth.


A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Yemassee gold member
    September 21

    Edit | Reply
    Beyond the obvious that it's a snapshot of a scene I look for more. I see a disparity between what is in and what is out. The fox thin, the cat inside, warm, smug, superior. Kind of reminds one of the haves and have nots.

    I'll stand with Charlie the Fox and howl at the streetlamp since I'm kin to him and not the cat.


  • individuality gold member
    July 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hehehe i got the impression here of trying to be clever for the sake of clever and the poem was lost because of that


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    January 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this one a lot, very nicely done...


    I am a sucker for a cat in a window...lol


    thank you so much for entering this here


    al


  • jantastic gold member
    January 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oops forgot...


  • jantastic gold member
    January 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    some excellent imagery and language
    "skinny in the middle of noon" really struck me.

    wonderful

  • zara
    January 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The days are definitely skinny in these north latitudes - that's a great image in itself. Seems all the critters in this poem are skinny too, with winter, even the cat beneath his plump fur needs the window for warmth.

    This is a nice trick: that you only mention winter in the context of jasmine, yet it is so a winter scene, and such a comment on winter.

    Nice - I like it.




    • Bunty Plumchip
      January 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. They seem to thickening at the waist a little at last now, but they are all the colder for that.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    What a scenario of this great nature is imaged here..well done..

1 - 11 of 11