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Wallflower

Missing image

Wallflower

I traveled to the south of France,
he caught my eye with piercing glance.
It must have been a girlish crush
with blissful feelings of romance.

A simple glance that made me flush
for something I would never rush.
I fantasized; he wanted me,
then dropped my chin and feigned a blush.

I gave a little smile you see
and pictured him on bended knee.
It bothered me, I do recall
to think a man would marry me.

So as I stood against the wall
and waited for his beck and call,
he never asked me for a dance.
With head hung low I left the ball.

 

 

 

Author notes

Interlocking Rubáiyát

A rubaiyat with interlocking rhyme. Quatrains composed of octasyllabic lines with rhyme scheme aaba bbcb ccdc ... eeae.



Art work by:green-sphinx

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Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 19, 2008

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    excellent

    loved this story, and the interlocking rubaiyat has always interested me..looks like you've inspired an attempt at this form.. thank u sweet one!

  • Eusebius
    September 16, 2008
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    I really enjoyed this poem as I have long been an admirer of the Rubaiyat... loved it! bravo...


  • MerelyMadness
    March 1, 2008

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    It's very similar to a poem by Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening". The only differences is that the last four lines of his poem are all rhyming, the last two of which are a repeated line. After reading that poem, I always wondered if there was a name for the form. And now I know. I love how the interlocking rhyme seamlessly knits the stanzas together.


  • passim silver member
    January 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A sweet poem. It took my thoughts to it being in the 1920's or earlier, I don't know why. Maybe the dropped chin and feigned blush. Nice. Thank you


  • Lyndon gold member
    January 27, 2008

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    Mechanically perfect.

    Not only are your lines octosyllabic, they are also iambic tetrameters, a better way, in your case, of putting it.
    I smiled at the thought of the South of France. I know you get a good rhyme going there. But, to be a wallflower, I would rather make it Paris!

    All the poems of this contest are beautiful in there own way. Yours, in its innocent portrayal and soft images, is not any the less likable.
    [I am not sure why, but I may prefer "smile" in this line: " I gave a little grin you see."]

    This is a publishable poem as are many in this high quality contest. Thank you and good luck.





  • EnigmaticMonday
    January 12, 2008

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    Oh I have so been the wallflower! I've stood invisible by the wall while my secret love hid deep within me...the subject in question having a great time with all the pretty girls. Oh well. This form is so intriguing. I think I shall have to try this form. I've taken down the details and will ahve a bash at it soon.

    Good luck in the contest! E-M xx


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    January 10, 2008

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    wow this is an amazing write and really captured me and got me thinking. well done and best of luck in the contest


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    January 8, 2008

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    I always enjoy reading your poems. You are a gifted poet and an inspiration to all those who attempt the rhyming forms. Your rhyme scheme is uncomplicated, yet very effective. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz


  • penman gold member
    January 7, 2008

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    Excellent

    Such a skillful and created poem. You are always such a master of rhyme and form. Best of luck in the contest.


  • And Hyetal
    January 7, 2008
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    That stinks to be a wallflower. If she would just approach him herself...

    Great write, and I love the rhyming in this form. Good luck in the contest, and this is amazing!!!

    Always,
    Cassie


    • Amera gold member
      January 7, 2008
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      (curtsey) Thabnk you m'Lady but a lady would never do such!


      • And Hyetal
        January 7, 2008

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        Well, I guess I'm rebellious. Either she goes to him or he gets better spectacles, one of the two.


  • ellipsist
    January 7, 2008
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    poor wallflower....


  • Ellis gold member
    January 7, 2008
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    Adorable

    I come here to LEARN and ENJOY at the same time.
    -----


  • poettrical
    January 6, 2008
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    You tell the story so skillfully that it gives it so much more depth!

  • Bad Bill
    January 5, 2008

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    Not only is this well-written, but it's also wittily charming and a definite pleasure to read.

    Bill


  • Ithica silver member
    January 5, 2008

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    Magically spinning vocabulary into her futile fantasy. The images were amazing though sad. I pity this poor wallflower, may her dreams one day come true...


  • Laura
    January 5, 2008

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    this is brillianr and hey for once i undertood the form lolol you have created an amazing poem that really brings a meaning to this picture...you go girl xxx


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    January 4, 2008
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    Charming!


  • blueyez
    January 4, 2008

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    I love this form... I might try it tonight!!! Your words are always beautiful!!!!!!!!
    Peace and Love


  • BellaD
    January 4, 2008
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    Beautiful!

    Well-written, lovely flowing verses. You've done it again.


  • StarEyes
    January 4, 2008

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    Ok, you did it again! This is most amazing! You are such a talented writer! And this write is fantastic!!

    Best of luck in this contest!!

    and love

    Nyetta

  • ecrivain01
    January 4, 2008

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    This is an interesting write ...

    one of your better ones, I think. I can't see anything in it that needs changing in any way. Somehow I can't envision you as a wallflower, but other than that ...


  • seamaiden
    January 4, 2008

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    Ooooohhhhhhhhh, this is a lovely form that I have never seen and such a wonderful piece that you have written for it. I love the rhyme scheme and your rhyming was impeccable. It had a smooth flow and such vivid images to go with it. Thank you for sharing this with me and good luck in the contest. Keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥


  • Keith
    January 4, 2008

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    You never got that golden ring?
    Oh love, it is a cruel thing
    And cruel cads who love pretend
    Well, they are worse than anything.

    You thought his love would never end?
    You thought that he his knee would bend?
    I think he held within his heart
    Greed and self-love, in equal blend

    I think you knew it from the start
    And that is why you chose to part
    To leave the bright, enchanted ball
    And seek another Cupid's dart


  • cricketjeff gold member
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If there's a man you want to meet
    He's really in for quite a treat
    The prettiest girl he could know
    Who'll write him poems oh so sweet

    Know then his love would surely grow
    And when he hears your rhyme and flow
    His love will surely be complete
    Though you could leave he'd never go

    Sorry just two stanzas. Though the poem deserved more.


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    January 4, 2008

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    Beautiful.

    I love this form, and your descriptions were amazing.
    You are so talented (and beautiful!!! I love your new pic on Len's page).
    Good luck in the contest, girl!


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 4, 2008

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    What a lovely poem, and great picture too. Liked this form used - the rhythm rhyme and flow are excellent. Have never tried this, might just have to do that one day. Think you have motivated me.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    January 4, 2008

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    BREATH TAKING

    Such beautiful words

    yet so sad

    longing for a love that just cant be

    so solemnly she just leaves

    Little Blue Star

    it is lovely~

     


  • PerVirtuous
    January 4, 2008

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    You have quite an imagination to believe you would not be asked to dance... that's the funniest thing I have ever heard! Ha ha ha. The poem is brilliant and tells a fantastic story. The picture matches perfectly. Once again, you nailed a contest!


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    January 4, 2008
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    ...and I am left breathless. You are amazing.

1 - 31 of 31