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Clumsy

 
 

 

 

 
Children crush puddles well.
 
Small feet shatter surfaces
and the ripples
of water and laughter
roll,
 
intangibly connected.
 
 

 
Some mornings
I fall into water myself
but the action lacks ...
 

 
not being a child, I seem
unable to find that essential talent,
that art in a moment.
 
Though the waves are larger-
                     [ and the feet ]

 

this water feels harder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Cat gold member
    January 12, 2008

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    this poem grows- it
    has long limbs and big feet
    and it travels from childhood to adulthood
    from innocence to learned wariness

     

    this poem is bigger than

    the page is sits on

     

    i love the art in the moment-  a very good poem

     

     

    thank you for joining me in this contest

     

    m


  • asymmetry
    January 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    but the pH stays the same


  • rebeka
    January 8, 2008
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    sigh..... again


  • zochit2me gold member
    January 6, 2008
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    Funny how that happens when you get older.
    This speaks to me of innocence and laughter and

    about how when we get older everything seems to be harder.

    Lovely penning

    You always have this way of painting

    with your words.

     

    Yes lovely...

     

    Becky*love* 


  • transcendental baby gold member
    January 4, 2008

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    This reminds me of the Romantics and their longing for that lost childish joy in the ebbs and flows of the world ... but the child is father to the man & the memory supposedly reminds us that what was lost is still there ... somewhere ... but the artlessness of the action is harder to grasp. Sorry, I worship at the Romantic alter
    That last line is a grabber!


  • just rob gold member
    January 4, 2008

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    You have to take off your shoes

    and play with them.

    This is great.
    I think it is universal, this loss of the juice in the now to the thirsty lips of maturity, the quest for some plan. And what a perfect ending. Good stuff.

  • Rowan gold member
    January 4, 2008

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    It is sad that as adults we don't seem to be able to go back to that kind of abandoment. I really liked this one, I could picture this, and I understood exactly where you were coming from. Excellent.


  • layla.
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    [ and the feet ] > [ than the feet ] ??? i don't know. I just adore the opening lines beautiful as ever!

1 - 8 of 8