A Walk In My Shoes

Let me retrace every step I've ever taken
and I'll tell you what I know
of this life and what goes with it

I guess I should start
when I was three
I guess it would be
my first memory
staring out a screen door
watching my father drive away
but he didn't leave
my mother finally couldn't take it.

And I can say
that really didnt phase me
because I was just a kid
and it could've been worse.

Over the next years
I grew and formed
seeing my fathers rages
never turn violent
towards me or my elder sibling
but the apple never falls far from the tree

I know this might seem strange
but I know this pain
that crazy pain
called love, that had to end

This "love"
I had never felt
it was an explosion of raw emotion
filled with words I didnt even comprehened
as they flew from my lips
but happiness is the only word
that comes to mind
when I think back
to those days...

And through all this I know
I will live
if only to prove
all my fears wrong

Three years ago
I first saw my father cry
Tears I announced
with a smile
moving with my mother
I'm sure he hurt
But it was, what could be called,
my own selfish dream
to live with my mother
who, even today, I would never trade.

I'll make it till morning
for one thousand years
even if
I never see the light

Those years up to today
I could fill with self hate and want
I could fill those days with thoughts
I could fill those moments with words I dont even recall
and through it all
I'd never trade the hate I felt
the words I spoke
nor
would I trade the pain I felt

      And if I could
      I'd make a brand new day
      and start it with the sun
      and end it with a smile
      when the day is done...
      <3


-Sara Rasnick, a.k.a Forgot2Breathe