He looked at me crossed eyed

“How was your week?”

Well Monday
after I left the sales meeting
I had an appointment with some Italian
who was as thick as a brick.
I tried to explain to him simply
he would be purchasing
with a discount equivalent to his gross margin.

He looked at me crossed eyed
so I explained it again;
still this dumb Italian didn’t get it.

I thought what could be simpler than that?

I went back to my car,
so help me shaking my head
and my clicker…
you know my clicker?
The remote control clicker thingy
that opens the door wouldn’t work
so I wandered back to this dumb Italian
who was as thick as a plank
on his gross margin discount.
We tried to unscrew the screw
on my clicker thingy
as my thumbnail was too thick
for the screw on my clicker.
Like the Italian
but so was his screwdriver
so I went to a nearby mechanic
but he couldn’t help me
but sent me to a nearby auto electrician
who could
because he had a small screwdriver.

So he fixed the clicker but it still didn’t work.

Well it did work
but I still couldn’t get back into the car.
The light of the clicker thingy worked
but the doors still wouldn’t unlock
so I went back to the auto electrician
but by this stage
my brief case was weighing a ton
so I left it under the car.

I called Toyota and they took forever to come out.

An hour or possibly closer to two
this noodle eventually shows up
but couldn’t do anything without setting off the alarms
but put the clicker under the car
and opened the door
because the car shields the beamy thingies
from the overhead power lines
I was parked under.

I went back to the auto electrician
thanked him
got his business card
and will get back to him
and hope he understands
discount the same as gross margin
better than his brain damaged Italian neighbour.

I went home to make some calls
rather than come all the way back here
to try and rearrange my day
which was already shot to pieces.

I finally arrive
at my final appointment
after the episode
with the clicker ruined my day ;
went to get the presentation folder
from my briefcase
but I had left that under my car
and had driven off.
I tried to phone the Italian
who was as dumb as a rock
but just got this answering machine
with this ning nong going
“Ello,
I’m notta here!
Speaka to the machine!”

The Lord tests you and I was tested.
Tested I tell you.

I would have had better luck
explaining gross margin
to his answering machine.

So I cancelled the appointment
hurtled back to get my briefcase
picked up a speeding fine
and lost a few more points
off my driver’s license
I could ill afford to lose.

On top of that I got a flat tyre
by the time roadside assist decided to show up
it was nearly the next day.
I couldn’t remember my roadside assist number
and my new tags were in the briefcase
and because of my clicker
I left my briefcase under the car
and God knows where it was by now.

Finally they let me go
it was pitched black,
no briefcase
and no dumb Italian.

On the way home
I run out of petrol
realised my wallet
was also in the briefcase.

I had just enough coins to call my wife.

She has a flat battery
and was having a day worse than me.

I won’t tell you about her day,
not with the gastric children
and the dog with diarrhea.
and the trades’ person who didn’t show up
and her mother was diagnosed with cancer.

So I call up the roadside assist again
but they couldn’t put petrol in the car
because they didn’t see the tags
and I don’t have any money.
Especially at their price of $7 a litre.
Cheaper to fill up the tank with heroin.

But they did call me a taxi.

I eventually got home
had to race inside
to pay the taxi driver.
Some good Samaritan
I think it was the dumb Italian
where gross profit discount was such a mystery
returned my brief case
and put it right in the middle of my verandah.

I didn’t see it.

Tripped over it
crashed through my front door
like the Terminator.
My wife
almost had a heart attack
thinking it was a police raid.

The taxi
brought me back to the car
after my wife recovered enough
to fix up my head trauma.
It eventually stopped bleeding.

I finally got home
it was one in the morning
and I had done nothing.
Absolutely nothing!
I spent all day
running around like a complete dick
and for what?
Nothing!
Nothing!
A complete waste of a day!

“And Tuesday?” 

Ohhhh...don’t start me on Tuesday!
It started out okay
but quickly descended into a form of Hell…