Always Apart by xxundeadxtearsxx
Standing over the jagged precipice,
The whole world looked so small.
So high on the cliffs,
She knew she had a long fall.
She was now all alone in the world,
Her love no longer there.
Picturing her death on the rocks below,
She felt his breath on her hair.
The chills went through her body,
And she slowly turned around.
He was there next to her,
Staring at her and looking down.
"My life has no meaning without you,
I have nothing left to live for.
Will you jump with me please,
So I can be with you forevermore.
He shook his head vigorously, left to right,
His eyes pleading his case.
She argued "I want to be with you,
To touch your hands, your face."
Without waiting for his response she dived,
Despite her lover's warning.
One in heaven, the other in hell,
Eternally separated, forever yearning.
Author notes
Grand Theft Autumn is by Fall Out Boy and also goes by Where is Your Boy
A contest entry
- No Rules by dead-love-for-fun.
740 points, ended January 10, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for many types of poems, Prewrites allowed. by Systems Malfunction.
500 points, ended January 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Survival of the Wittiest by Avatar of Innocence.
500 points, ended February 4, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring It All by Simply Simple.
1800 points, ended February 26, 2008, 120 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - common sense by ellipsist.
600 points, ended January 18, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - everything and anything by x Bright Eyes x.
525 points, ended February 4, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - meh by Anonymous Shadow.
300 points, ended January 24, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold Anyone? by loveisthemoment.
600 points, ended February 1, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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oh i like it! thanks for entering!
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i like your use of the word "precipice" that really stuck out to me... i am not sure how anyone can feel anyone else's breath on their hair... intriguing, for certain...
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Wow... This a good poem. A little sad and predictable, but not too much. You took it and for the most part made it your own. It's great poem and needs no work. Wonderful job. Best of luck. (And yeah I know I contradicted myself a little bit but oh well.)
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Uh, what do you want from me?
I want to know if you read the rules of my contest. This poem seems sad and like a love poem, two kinds of poems I asked not to be submitted to my contest.
If I am correct, please remove this poem and submit another one. If I am incorrect in my assumption, I would like to know what about the poem you think needs work.
By the way, your 11th line has a typo.
"He was ther next to her,"
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yes, i read the rules. i don't think it needs work. i wasn't really sure what constitutes as a "love" poem or "sad" poem. i think this is a dark poem. i guess if you look at it that way, it could go into those categories.
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My apologies then for the misunderstanding.
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I like this. It was really good. Definitly dark and fitting of its emotions. You may like my piece "The Cliff" its alot like this. Probably one reason I really liked it. Good job!
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sweet
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