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Yellowed

You said I swear   I swear you said

each word I spoke was your vow too

I gave you mine   you took the same

until death do us part apart

 

Like perfect roots in fertile black

store bought in bags stuffed full of promise

tall and green sprouts from expensive

It was best to keep things artificial


I know a thing or two like that

two paned glass to cull the weather

a plastic pot next to the window

A little sun neglect and water

I swore   you said

afterwards our words came true


We damned them deep down in the dirt

to drink the mud and up they grew

a rigid pair of bark brown stalks

from our own tongues two stories up

where beauty lies in perfect orbs

like greens and browns hide shades of blue

like all that blooms outside the glass

for perfect is as perfect does


But all green is brown behind closed doors

Perhaps Spring was always Autumn here

Parting flower turning leaves


You never mentioned yellow, Love.

Author notes

To be honest, I do not have a favorite among my poems. Each feels like a part of me, and they are all so completely different. This one took a year to write, and I would say it is among my best work. I like it for the intensity hidden within its imagery and metaphor, for its abstraction and layered meanings, and for the very personal meaning it holds for me.

In a list

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • pulsating
    August 2
    Edit | Reply
    yellow holds meaning for me so i am drawn to this

  • The ending line seems slightly ' in your face ' to me, I'm not sure if that draws me in or pushes me away from this piece, yet. I will have to re-read it a couple times to get a sense. I like your wording personally, I find it to be an extremely clever write. Thank you for sharing.


  • hilly
    May 29

    Edit | Reply
    I don't like the wordplay, I think it's cheap. First line, for example, hated it. But I found some good things in the third stanza and I thought the first four lines of the fourth stanza were great.
  • Very unique and different poem, I love the word choice and style of this poem as well. You did a great job, I really liked this one.

    Thanks for entering!

  • rhondasail
    April 30
    Edit | Reply
    Sad write of fading hope...I like the two seasons you used to make the subtleties prominent...winter and summer are too severe for the way many relationships fall apart...Autumn and spring show the gentler yet inevitable slide...Well written piece. Peace, Rhonda


  • LadyShiva
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! The imagery here totally blew me away! I loved the flow and the usage. You really packed this piece with intense emotions. Very well done!

    Lauren


  • motel silver member
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    my first impression of the work is the bounty of wonderful images ... tying the themes of nature, the seasons, in reference to relationships. beautiful write.

  • Oh, sensational! The imagery was breathtaking, really, and the way you put the words together was WAY nice. Congrats on gold.

  • seamaiden
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very abstract piece and I congratulate you on the gold you got for it. Much deserved. Thank you for sharing with me and keep writing poet. seamaiden ♥

  • this is just bursting withs tunning imageryt hat comes alive ont the page. it si beautriful well done on the gold


  • Valley Girl gold member
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    Lots of imagery, Congrats on the gold, and thanks for sharing.

  • TizMoi
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    very well written indeed. Can see why you got gold. Heart felt emotion throughout reading this. Thanks for sharing.

  • Very creative and unique
    Excellent job and look at that shiney golden
    beauty... ~whistles~ Well deserved.


    Delila


  • And Hyetal
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    I like the use of the color in your poem. There's emotion in this poem, and the reader can really feel it. I think this poem is a work of art!

    ~Cassie


  • Perception
    March 2
    Edit | Reply
    hmmm... This is wonderfully written, and I really every line. Very descriptive... and very filled with emotion.. I thought this piece was really powerful... and you summed that up well through your lines, as you reached the last... You really pulled it together.

    ~wonderful job
  • This is beautiful. I particularly like the last line - a sudden concept you point out right at the end of the poem. A very powerful and thought provoking way to end it off.
    Well done.

    . Rewarded 4

  • pruedence
    March 2

    Edit | Reply
    Deep emotions run through out this poem. Love the lay out and the direct wording with hidden meanings. Lovely, love does come in different shades of color...even yellow..thanks for sharing
  • Your best indeed. Powerful, true, heartfelt and thoughtful piece.
    I visited this page with an intention to read just the abstract of it and leave my peripheral opinion merely to enjoy the stars and points it give. I'm new to commenting and loved the way the points are given to each commenters. But this poem stopped me to give my complete attention. I did enjoy the complete read.
    - Until death do us apart - I understand the real depth of this one.
    - It was best to keep things artificial - I could relate this to many of my gone days where I just cherished and saved all artificial things like greeting cards, pencils, pens, clips and many, but only later I realized what I missed is something flesh-and-blood that would give me life, not mere memories... - I am not sure, my take and my interpretation to this particular is at least remotely related to what you intented to say..

    It crosses all stages and final lines about Fall is captivating.

    I enjoyed this one, a lot.

    • JustBe gold member
      March 3
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you sincerely for commenting

      I really love it when people take the time to give their personal reactions to poems I've written. It took forever to feel like I'd finished this one, and reading your comment makes me feel like I really communicated with a reader. For me, that is the whole point of art.
      ~Morgan
  • interesting

    well penned but for my likings a little too much mteaphor. still it was an enjoyable read and keep up the good wriiting


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    Can see where this takes top spot in the abstract category - here and there, back and forth, seen and unseen. Liked it though, very unique and different. That last line really finishes it off well too. Way to go with gold!

    . Rewarded 4

  • This is an incredible piece of emotion... You weave such a bittered grasp of goodbyes, swollen within a sort of revelation that came too late. Excellent use of imagery; creative and so very poignant. The sadness lies more in the beauty that almost was, but seemed to withstand that everlasting in seasons. Great write!


    • JustBe gold member
      March 3

      Edit | Reply
      Wow, you really got this the way I wrote it. Thank you so much for commenting. I work like a slave lately, so the muse has been on the shelf for awhile. It really did me good to read such a personal reaction.
      My best to you,
      Morgan

  • poetryality silver member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    Yellow is my favorite color so the last line enthralled me. I love the double-talk you've used in this abstract writ. It seems like you might be one of those people who thinks before they speak or begins to speak and then thinks before they continue to speak. All in all this poem made me read it twice, and I tell ya, I thought I had commented on this a while back but then I suffer from C.R.S. so, maybe I simply meant to comment on this work.

    Anyway...Congratulations on the Gold and I am glad that Joy (PlayfulPassion) sent me your way.



    Much Love & Respect ♥

    Renee


  • PlayfulPassion
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    A quite unique write here. It's full of double innuendos as if you were going back & forth just like a couple in a state of bitter argument. In the exchange of heated words it's always brought up- the promises that were made and broken. To me, it's as if this were being viewed by a child's eyes. Or possibly the inner child that lies within these two. The last line is filled with such sadness...

    "You never mentioned yellow, Love."

    I do think you achieved what you were looking for with this. The sadness remains..


    • JustBe gold member
      March 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for commenting. This is a very personal write for me, and it is so gratifying to read about it when people react to the feeling behind the details I wasn't sure anyone else would see. I am quite abashed that it took me so long to get back to you.

  • kvwriter silver member
    January 18
    Edit | Reply
    Very different, Morgan. Many lines could be read one way then another, but on the whole, I believe you are writing about just keeping promises because words are powerful and we grow because of living up to what we say we're going to be and/or do. Again, very different. Enjoyed!--Kel


  • jantastic gold member
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    I'll be back
  • a nice poem however it counl use some punctuations


    • JustBe gold member
      January 8
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      I am a grammar enthusiast, so I can appreciate your hankering for punctuation. Unfortunately, it just won't work in this poem (and not for lack of effort on my part). It totally wrecks the effect I am going for. The poem is rife with multiple interpretations, and consists almost entirely of lines that can be read more than one way, and the second I put, say, a comma where it looks like it should go, the other way of reading that line goes away. I ultimately had to settle for well-placed line breaks, caps at the beginnings of new lines, and triple-spaces in the spots where I wanted people to pay close attention to perspective. You'll notice that the last line is fully punctuated. That's because it's an aside from the rest of the poem.
      Thank you for reading, and I much appreciate your critical input. Goodness knows we could use a whale of a lot more of that around these parts.
      Best,
      Morgan

      • polly filla
        January 15
        Edit | Reply
        I understand what you're saying about your punctuation---"rife multiple interpretations" pretty much sums it up and punctuation/lack of is key

        although, not everybody can pull it off, let alone 'get it'

        I enjoyed your work, thanks

  • left
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    In the narrow range of the spectrum that allows us to see and live we try to tie down and immobilize whatever we think is true, so that we may refer to it later in order to call others liars or ignorant fools. But things change continuously and the truth is better than Houdini could ever dream to be. Perhaps we are living one huge lie while hoping to one time arrive at an eternal truth of which we understand nothing whatsoever now. I enjoyed reading and pondering over your poetical take on the process of yellowing. May you do well in the contest. Take care,

    AD


    • JustBe gold member
      January 4
      Edit | Reply
      It's funny, really. As I wrote this, I had absolutely no idea that I was talking to myself. Only figured that out after I learned how to let go a little.

  • Lute
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    content- 7.7
    vocabulary-11
    accuracy-7.8
    creativity-7.8
    theme-7.5
    originality-7.6

    totals-49.4
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