He rocks in perfect rhythm to the beating in his chest.
Nothing doing, in the summer's heat;
What's to do in the time spare?
Only rock to and fro in his rocking chair.
A veil of blackness, eyes hidden behind an opaque sheet.
No things exist in shades of
Chroma. He rocks in his mind
Through flowered fields. All his memories
So withdrawn and succinct.
Wishing for vision. Never blurred by so much as a blink;
Running free in the world, doing as he pleased.
But, here instead, he merely
Rocks. As smooth and fluid as a clocks' tick-tocks.
Confined to hear the smiles of the Earth,
Never again to behold the flowers' bloom.
Living constant in his sightless doom,
Judging biased on the worlds eyeless worth.
He rocks in perfect rhythm. Forever shrouded in shadows, behind lifes works...
A contest entry
- BE A VOICE FOR THE VOICELESS. by flaed.
1000 points, ended January 22, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you honestly think?
Comments
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Honestly?
Wow I really like it. It's brilliant. Took me a minute to realise that the subject of the poem was a blind man...probably not until I got down to the third stanza actually lol does that make me slow?
Anyway hmmm I really like your depiction of this man's blindness. It's amazing. In the beginning the feeling of someone truly just hopeless and broken comes out strong. Very sad. I myself cant imagine what'd it be like to loose my sight.
I also love the monotonous droning sounds you describe like the rocking chair (I can just hear it's creak) and the tick toc of the clock. I think that's brilliant and I interpret it as being synnonomous with the way he's feeling about his life- like there's just nothing left, and no end to it. I absolutely adore
'Nothings exist in shades of chroma.'
That's amzaing wow I love that line. It's my favorite cause I'd imagine after a while pictures of what things look like would start to fade from one's memory.
I dont really understand that stanza breaks in the middle of the sentences..that's quite new to me and I feel like it only works in transition from the second to third stanza. The first time it was just confusing..but that's probably just me being slow again
One of the very few poems that I've read that is actually sorrowful. I love it for it's originality. I've read it about a dozen times lol Bravo!
-Sasha
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This is a very good poem indeed. The metaphors were excellent and the flow went smooth like rolling of one's tongue. I liked the usage of the last word for each stanze at the begining of the next. And the ending topped it well.
-Silky
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good flow. topic? an old blind guy?
anyway good.
more about than of/from but still good.
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Niceee... loved the flow of this and the rhyming here and there. Greatly put together, Zeke
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