Realize

Eventually, it will dawn on me,
That this heart was not meant
To share with another, to open, to expose
To a harsh and uncaring world.

Eventually, I will learn this lesson:
When someone says she didn't mean to hurt you,
She's telling you that she will, again and again,
Until you're dead, or just numb.

I'm still around.  Why?  I don't know,
I've convinced myself that yeah, it's worth it,
I lied to myself, giving exactly the assurances I craved,
That eventually she'd feel the same way.

Every day, this feeling grows,
Every day, I go further down the path
Until, I fear, I shan't be able to escape,
Well, actually, I'm at that point already:

Her kisses and touches still haunt me,
Her laughter and her smell and her eyes,
Her mellifluous voice, her gentle nature,
Is it any wonder, any wonder at all, that she owns my heart?

Eventually, I just might realize
That there is no fucking point
In the willful vulnerability
I so pathetically, still, advertise.