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I am that moment

I am the moment of sunrise
The first light of the day
The feeling of new chance

I am the waking moment
The granted wish you don't want
The undeniable charge, proved

I am the moment before the storm
When the realization hits that its coming
And there is nothing you can do to stop it

I am that moment,
The make it or break it moment
When everything will go right
Or everything will go horribly, horribly wrong

Author notes

http://allpoetry.com/poem/3772626
that is a poem that was written in responce to this poem for a contest I had a while back. I thought I would put a link in here in case you should like to read it.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • HeavensDaughter
    January 30
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting poem. I like how you have tried to define that moment in time that comes in different times and places.

    I especially love this last stanza:
    "I am that moment,
    The make it or break it moment
    When everything will go right
    Or everything will go horribly, horribly wrong"


  • Keyser Soze
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You penned an interesting piece, poet.
    The images seem contradictory until you sympathize with their core. I like that.
    'Undeniable charge, proved' was a clever line.
    Thank you for your entry.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like how you spun this one. I love the way you use 'I am...' in each stanza, the reptition reminds of what the climax should surely be about. It is true those moments are awkward where it's either you touch the sky or hit rock bottom.


    • LoneFairrie
      January 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Awkward. Interesting you should chose that phraseing as I think it fits me well too.

      • xxRainbowDawnxx
        January 14, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        Well those moments are awkward at times, if not plain uncomfortable. Sometimes we don't always know what to do for the best, but we are left to make decisions which could lead us down either path.

        • LoneFairrie
          January 14, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Half the time the things I say make the area awkward or uncomfortable, that's why the few friends I have are very awesome people indeed


          • xxRainbowDawnxx
            January 14, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            I'm often the same too actually. My friend Trey is even worse, he could silence a whole concert hall.


            • LoneFairrie
              January 14, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              I know some people like that. I am almost that bad but not quite


  • Metaphorist
    January 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this though for me the transition from one stanza to the next was a little off. I think what might help is having the second stanza come before the first. The tone would sound better because how it is now the shifts in tone from first stanza- dread, second stanza-hope, third stanza-dread again, isn't right. Just a suggestion.

    Good luck in the contest.

    • LoneFairrie
      January 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I fixed it to be like that, you were right. I knew that something sounded off but I couldn't put my finger on it. Much thanks to you

  • HeavensDaughter
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. It really swept me in. I like the imagery you used. I so relate to much of how you describe the "moment", especially the last four lines.

    I think this is a good write.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this piece alot you have done a very nice job with it goodluck to you in this contest best wishes and much love

1 - 12 of 12