I missed you today. Not the way a child looks at an ice cream truck on those days that asphalt feels sticky on the heels of your feet, it was more like forgetting the smell of sun dried worms. You’ve been in the back of my head for a while now, I passed a street sign that displayed your name in bold white colors. It made me smile and remember that picture I have of the family together. You looked, so, tall. I can thick back a decade ago and see an eight year old version of me hovering over the picture and wondering what you were doing that exact minute, and maybe if you were thinking of me too, something stereotypically Disney would happen. I can remember my eight birthday party, I had a piñata and this big cake. I made sure that she made a setting for you. I think I knew then that you’d never be sitting across from me, with an icing smile. I bet you didn’t ever know it was my birthday. But those things don’t matter right now. I’ve spend ten years of wishes on you, ten years wondering why my brother was like the invisible friend I’ve never had. Did you really refuse to hold me? Mom told me that when I was born, you left because of me. I disgusted you that much. Its alright though, I had a crowd of people there for me today. They all could cup their smiles in their eyes, but birthdays make me feel like I’ve lost somehow. I’m eight again under my hot sticky skin. Frustration curls my hair as I sit and wait when midnight makes a new day. And still you are not here.
This birthday, I bent over white frosted cake that displayed proudly my eighteen candles. I bent over, and wised for you to wait for me like I’ve waited for you. Don’t worry though, I’ll still leave the light on for you.
A contest entry
- Spontaneous vs. Contrived Combust by ErrantHeart.
600 points, ended February 13, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I don't see your revision.
I can't properly judge this entry without the revision so, alas, must remove this from consideration. You have procrastinated yourself out of the running. 
but I do thank you for your initial entry.
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Hi. Please, if you plan to finish up your entry this is your heads up to do it soon. I plan to close down this contest for judging Jan. 31. I would love to have your final entry.
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I really like this just as is. I'm really looking forward to seeing what this becomes. It's marvelous, some great lines. Love the "icing smile", that conveys a lot. And the "they all could cup their smiles in their eyes". Enjoyed this read very much.
Thanks for entering. -
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I like it too. I was reading some journal entries last night and read about how almost ten years have went by and how every year I wished to meet my long lost brother. So I wrote how I felt then.
I met my brother before my 18th birthday, and I think I'm just going to write a response to it. A then and now sort of thing. Is that alright? -
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Hi. For the purposes of this contest, or at least the way I envisioned it, the spontaneous piece needs to be edited and reworked so we, the readers, can compare the two, make some judgment calls as to which is more effective to us, whether the changes made altered meaning much, things like that. So while a response to this letter would be lovely and I would enjoy reading it I would rather you stick to the initial contest premise.
Do you think that would be possible with this submission or would you like to substitute another spontaneous write that you can then further edit and post?
And please do, if you write a response to this letter, let me know, because I would love to read it. You strike me as having a talented way with words.
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