In dreams I untangle your skin from mine
to reach inside the quivering sheath of sighs.
I unwrap your passion with kisses and touch,
then savor the need pulsing between your thighs.
The hardness, the hardness, the solid response
My lover, my lover, I dream this, I need this.
In fantasy, no one discounts your advances
as adventures to fill a memory stick with gigs of
"I did this too, I am over this, now I can have kids,
a white picket fence and a wife ..."
The hardness, the hardness, the solid response
My lover, my lover, I dream this, I am this.
My tongue gently traces the outline of your lips,
while my fingers play with the gift of those hips,
urging themselves closer, pressing themselves into me
"hold me tight, take me tonight, rid me of flight".
The hardness, the hardness, the solid response
My lover, my lover, I dream this, I sense this.
Oh, those eyes cloud over when I cup you in my hand.
They scream "yes baby, yes darling" when I lean over,
kiss your sheath, the one I want to meld with,
when I shudder as I take you into my mouth.
The hardness, the hardness, the soft skin of you
My lover, my lover, you pulse inside me, you're part of me ...
I throb with the longing, dance to the shrine of that hardness ... your hardness.
Author notes
http://s68.photobucket.com/albums/i35/luckynsincere/?action=view¤t=getty3.jpg
My word was "desire"
1. Why do I think I should win this challenge?
I improved constantly through out this challenge and my entries were consistently rated high by the judges. I listened to all critisism that I was given, and applied all those ideas to good effect. I showed my ability to write in both story and poetic form and also showed that I am capable of being both a hardcore and a sensual writer.
2. What I learned from this challenge?
I learned to edit, edit and then edit again. I learned to read my own work aloud and to look for inconsistencies in grammar more than I have ever done before. I learned to see that words can be used to greater effect than I have been doing sometimes and that erotic writing isn't always as easy as I thought.
3. My favourite and least favourite parts of the challenge?
Favourite:
The form of poetry we were given to explore and add to the list of things we should be able to do as poets.
I now know you can write structured poetry on erotica.
Least Favourite:
The fact that the other judges (NOT Master Ktulu) commented less and less as the challenge went on. I still have no idea what each of these judges like/ do not like. I would have liked to see some comments as to how something could be improved since this is the main reason I entered this challenge. I thank them all for scoring though. I just think that in the next season all contestants should see exactly what made their pieces last or first?
A contest entry
- The Erotic Challenge FINAL round by Master Ktulu.
2250 points, ended January 10, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is very beautifully written, I am sold on the lines of repitition with their slight variances at the end, it is one of my favourite devices, especially when used so well.
Good write.
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Congrats on the bronze!
Wow, I have never read erotic before...but wow, I am speechless it is nothing like I expected at all. You have an exceptional way with words, this is an amazingly stunning piece. I'm not usually a fan of repeating lines but it has really worked well here, adding to the intensity of it. Congrats on the bronze, a well crafted poem.
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Wow!!
Oh My Word~ I just saw the picture You had to work with and what a work of art
Powerful images based on the prompt~~
and when I read...I felt like singing...
I could break some glasses but felt the urge
to do a Sound of Music encore
The hardness, the hardness, the solid response
My lover, my lover, I dream this, I sense this.
Love this!!
Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
-throws confetti-
Wooooooooooo Hoooooooooooo
Thank You for sharing Your Talent also Creativity~
Many blessings to You in all You do Beautiful
Best wishes tooooooooooooooo
and much love~ Desire~*~
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The reason I commented less and less (being a judge) as the challenge went on was the fact that I found it less and less easy to actually comment! Each and every entry that I read was exceptional and different.
Some struck me moreso than others and I apologize if I hurt your feelings by not commenting on your work, but every time I sent my scores to Ktulu I put my thoughts down with the points as well.
This is, unfortunately, the way I judge
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I appreciate the explanation C. I really did not try to hurt anyone's feelings when I said that. I really would have liked to know even the score and how it was broken up to see what you thought. Thank you for answering my thoughts though ... if ever there was a way to sabotage one's own chances *big smile*.
I love you and I thank you for commenting on this piece. I thought it was a chance to actually show the similarity between the difficulties being out in our lifestyle and how similar it is to being gay. I thought you might find some connection with this. I have read a lot of your thoughts on acceptance and this kinda ties in with that so well.
Hugs and smooches
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Hi Tanzy!
This is a mirror image of my life ~
I totally related to every line as you took me on memory lane and dropped me off to watch as my life walked by :)
I think you are one heck of a Poet to pen against....and I hope to pen against you more often as time permits ~
This entry shall do well......God bless you my Dear,
Bear ~
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Bear
I hope the same. Thank you so much for this comment. Yours was the one I was waiting for as I really wanted to know whether this actually is what it feels like for someone in your lifestyle too. The only reason I can relate is because I also need to hide a lot of the time and sometimes it hurts not to be able to tell people what beauty can be found in my lifestyle. I really wanted to show the beauty in yours and I am glad it touched you in all the right ways. To me that means more than a trophy. God bless you too you lovable man.
Tanzy
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This is a great take on the picture dear and you write is so well, the full impact as the two of them are ready for this as only two guys can crave this and still be themselves.
You have been a pleasure to work with and I am glad to have read your entries through out this challenge.
Riftkin
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As have you Riftkin. Thank you for allowing me to see a part of you during this challenge and for really doing everything you could to do well and impress the living daylights out of me. You rock sis.
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This is an excellent write.
Upon my first read through I got plenty of images of a young couple in love (man and woman), mainly because of the line ""I did this too, I am over this, now I can have kids,
a white picket fence and a wife ..."
It was only after the first read through that I clicked on the pic link and saw the 2 men kissing. So therefore a second time I read this, just to see if new images would come to mind...
Yes, they did, upon reading the lines and your title almost a "DUH! Ktulu you dumb @$$"
So, overall, I see no corrections to be made to this, A most excellent piece.
**Master Ktulu** -
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Thank you so much Ktulu. Your comment means a lot. Thanks for the fantastic challenge.
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