The sky is black and so is my heart
But for me day never dawns
Since I was born, the world is dark
My life a choir of angels mourns
My world is dark so paint me black
Blood stains all my clothes red
Crimson spills from my heart of black
My life is written in black and red
Glass shatters and so has my heart
But this break is past repair
Through my eyes everything is dark
An ugly tension weighs down the air
Blood stains all my clothes red
Crimson spills from my heart of black
My life is written in black and red
My world is dark so paint me black
The sun is red and so are my tears
But the lake formed does not set
Hatred worsens with my increasing years
Anger kills all those whom I've met
I see no colours except red
My whole world is black
My cursed blood runs thick and red
From my evil heart of black
Acid burns and so do my tears
But this river will not cease
I cannot look back over all my years
I know I will find no release
Author notes
This piece was inspired by 'Paint it Black' by the Rolling Stones (and Lee's version) and a very boring Latin lesson.
A contest entry
- options by burdenbytruth.
600 points, ended January 23, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for many types of poems, Prewrites allowed. by Systems Malfunction.
500 points, ended January 30, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
i liked it but think that it was also very dranck and i think that maybe you should make it a lillte bit better
-
This piece is really good however i doo think the use of "the sky is black and so is my heart" may be a little cliche however i loved the rest of it
-
Okae, so maybe there isn't a refrain, (I notice as I re-read)it was just the way the words played out in my head..
-
Hmm, I like how you transformed the song into so much more. i Really like the refrain, Crimson red staining even the blackest of the our soul. (not just our clothing
) Very nice use of words and good flow. It came out very nicly. Keep it up, poet.
-
Over all this piece is good, but in all honesty I have to say the use of the words black and dark so often take away from the work as a whole. One often gets caught up in the repetition that they fail to see the usefulness of other words that may in fact have a greater impact in the end. Well done! Keep up the great work!
♥
~TE~
-
Cliche, but ok
This poem was nice in it's repetition in most places, but in some bits it became dull and boring, and quite awkward. I think most of the imagery used in this poem has been said a thousand times before, but it's ok. -
I like the repetition of black/red. However the biggest problem is the cliche' aspect of this poem. Alot of the images are the same old thing that I've read in alot of other poems like this, however one of them stood out in regards to "acid burning like your tears." That was well done! Good job!
-
wow
this is intese it had me glued to the piece the entire time wich is amazing because im like a guy ... (my attention span is uber short) but this is definetley an incredible read i love it and i definetley enjoyed reading it. it is amazing
this is my faviorite line
"Through my eyes everything is dark
An ugly tension weighs down the air"
this is so descriptive and wow its just amazing it gives off so much emotion great jobe and good luck
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
