hands white-dry
tiny cracks sting
in the wind
the battery in the car
refuses
her urges
to turn over
and go back to sleep
was such a temptation
no warmth
the bright air
glistens cold
A contest entry
- Winter by AJ Morelli.
1000 points, ended January 23, 2008, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I like the abrupt line ending, it gives it a choppy feel, a lot like someone cranking a dead car
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I already applauded this one tooo...
but applauding again, ten-fold nonetheless.
Congratulations.
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Well-deserved win. I love the device of taking one line and making the next mean something different, yet similar. Excellent work!!
Wolfie -
yes I too love the transition from S2 to S3, the play on turn over is brilliant and wonderfully handled, a contender for sure...
al -
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Thanks Al
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i think the juxtaposition of "to turn over" is very clever. felt as though i've been there. just enough detail to bring this scene to life w/o overburdening the image with heavy description.
i enjoyed.
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The play on the term 'turn over' in the middle stanzas is intersting- the one we want the battery to burst into life, but it, like we would like to , merely goes back to sleep.
Cracked chapped skin in wind chill.. brrrr. Or should that be brrrr brrr brr br b ... kick?
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Very clever arrangement of line breaks here. Sharp and very clever indeed
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we've had so many snow storms this winter and my car has been stuck in the snow twice. I live up a very steep hill and almost every time the roads are covered in snow, my car just slides down, even while stepping on the brakes. the last thing I need is a dead battery. I'm a Mexican, I should be in Cancun or someplace warm and sunny. Why write about winter in the middle of winter when you could
fantasize about summer?
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given the warm day we've had today, summer (or at least spring seems more appropriate) double digits above zero celsius. The massive piles of snow are gone in two days. It's supposed to snow again tomorrow. Consistency would be nice...
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don't you hate having to start the car in the morning~ when you're still all sleep-warm, and it's minus temp. and still dark? Seems downright inhuman. lol. I live half a block from work, so I walk down an alley and I'm there.
Somethin very cold/lonely about it, and yes, air glistens coldly. Loved this.
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Oh! I like the turn, that little flip where ya think she's talking about the engine turning over but all of a sudden she's talking about herself (or her daughter?) and how it's impossible to get out of bed. Both very real winter scenes. Yay!
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I love it when those interesting line break possibilities present themselves, glad it's noticed.
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Ohh! the joys of winter!
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Yah...the Great White North eh? I miss Bob & Doug...you know? Sigh....well, there's something to be said for living in the Pacific NW where being soggy is preferable to being brittle.
Hell...I *WOULD* have gone back to bed. If it's THAT cold...I think nature is trying to tell you something.
Very tight writing.
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ahh.. i lived just off a great lake in northern michigan for my teen age years.. and no garage.. so we had lake effect snow and cold.. and those damn engines..
putt putt putt .. whine whine whine... whir whir wh... done.. untill someone drives by with jumper cables..
nice- i like this
m
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this is winter for proper
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well something good came out of it..
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A real winter's morning you've painted here... oh yes, that temptation of a warm bed - I know that one, although it's so warm here in South Africa at the moment that we I sleep with the fan blazing, lolol - so hard to imagine myself in a winter right now but your poem placed me there. I think I could do with "the bright air glistens cold"...!
~ Nicolette
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a true slice of life.
i drive a '91 Blazer that i love desperately and continue to dump money into. just a few months ago, i had to have a new altenator installed.
everyone keeps asking me: what don't you buy a new one?!
i say, hell...a few more parts, and this one will be new again
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Yep!
Around here, you know it's cold when the plow truck was plugged in overnight and it still won't start, and the kids come over so I can mix food coloring with water and rush outside to fling it into the sky to see it crackle and fall as new jewels. Hell, I should'a written 'bout that!.
To me, this piece is such a small jewel.
Happy belated solstice.
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I love that, the crackle and fall as new jewels, now I want to try it.
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brrr
you're a strong motivated person
I feel going back to sleep only getting into the atmosphere of this
and I don't have to go anywhere
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Hehe.
I like how the car inspired a poem today.
Forced Procrastination is simply procrastination with less guilt tacked on.
I remember one day last year there was a standoff in one of the houses around the corner from our house. I woke up to media vans, cameras, newscasters, and police (even the SWAT team!) running by outside our house ... we were on the news, SOOOO, I called work, said .. turn on channel 5 .....mmhmm, see that?
I'm gonna be late
hahaha
ahem,
YDK
- Me
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I love it...
you make me
YDK2
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