Forever is now,
The ending void.
A light sparkles dim
The shadow takes hold.
I reach towards you,
Afraid to lose myself...
Catch me,
Talk to me,
Don't.
Let.
Me.
Go.
Look over the ledge,
Isn't it deep?
Nothing alive in the depths,
The darkness devours everything.
Grasp my hand,
Please help me!
I feel like I'm falling.
Catch me,
Hold me,
Don't.
Let.
Me.
Fall.
Author notes
I thought of this while thinking about many different things. This is my most angsty write I believe and like it very much. Feel free to comment critically if you'd like, I'd very much appreciate the comments!
< I am prepared for this contest, and I will make all deadlines that are given to me (unless the case of a medical reason or emergency comes up) if I know I will not be around AP that much at one point (due to things like school, vacations) I will notify Ryan ahead of time.
< I will not bash any beliefs, religions, etc at any point in this contest
< I will not bash/insult or speak unneeded commets about any contestant at any point in this contest, all comments on my fellow contestants will be written in the form of constructive criticism
< I realize that all judges decisions are final, and I will respect the judges, if one judge does say something unneeded, I will report it to Ryan, or the mods, but I realize that all comments I am recieving from judges are intended to be constructive criticism
< Most of all, I will try to have fun
I, Wynsom Trouble, have read the above rules, and agree to follow.
A contest entry
- Show me darkest part of your soul (My favourites only) by shadow-of-the-sun.
570 points, ended February 21, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES!!!!!! by Luminescence.
450 points, ended March 5, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poets Survivor 3 - It Begins NOW - Audition Interval One (For Everyone) by Ryno.
1050 points, ended February 14, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotion by V.Violet.
610 points, ended March 8, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - tears, fears, and everything inbetween by nobodys-girl.
700 points, ended May 4, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain/Hurt/Life scars. Release your pain to me by LanguishedLad.
450 points, ended April 24, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Flows From the Soul by XsweetpeaX26.
600 points, ended May 28, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please judge critically if you'd like.
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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i hate feeling like im falling and then wondering if anyone will save me. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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Wow.. Such an emotional and yet tragic piece... I hate how life can sometimes put us in that position of 'If I jump, will you catch me?"
But an overall wonderful piece. Short, but definately to the point. Keep up the good work
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Very nice. It makes me wonder what put you on the edge. I also like the creative spacing type thing you did. Good luck.
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Nice piece, love the shape you've created. Best of luck in the contest with it
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Attention
There will no longer be a wildcard round if you have recieved the message. You are passed threw the audition round. Congrads! -
WILDCARD
Congrads, you have been given another chance. Upon recieving two yeses and two nos you can now move on into the wildcard round.
http://allpoetry.com/contest/show/2390381
Please enter your FRESHWRITE as soon as possible as it closes two days after the audition, inverval round, closes.
Thanks; Ryan -
Yes.
I liked your emotion and that weird tornado-like form you put it in. Im not sure if this was the best piece to show off all your skills But for me, the description of your feelings of confusion and fear and the finality was done well enough to get you in. I was pearing over the edge of that ledge with you. So good job. -
Yes
I actually thought the concrete form added some emotion. I don't know, I am giving you a yes based absolutely on the fact that I am interested to see what you can do as a wildcard, if you get another yes that is. I have a request if you do so; try letting your mind think of something absolutely original. I'd love to see your writing like that. Keep an eye out for the last judge. Thanks; Ryan. -
No, unfortunately the style of this left me cold, this with a little more depth and reformatting could become a very nice piece.
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No
La x
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lol... wow I was just gonna say that it looks like a tornado but the commenter before me already said that. I like this poem a lot. It had great structure and I like the repeation that you had in it.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
~Lumin -
Nice constructive style here : looks like a tornado. Sucks the reader into the poem, lol. (PUN)
I love the style you used here, and I love the way you put your emotion into such wording and delicacy.
Thanks for your entry in my contest! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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I absolutely love the structure and how it relates to the message. The first stanza was kind of hushed but direct, while the second was very loud while maintaining that sharp, distinct tone. The whole poem is a little dizzying to get caught up in. I love it. This is exactly what I was hoping to receive.
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I agree with Mojave Moon....
You could definitely change the text color or background... it makes it very hard and slightly painful to read this and concentrate on it.. it was good with a nice structure... but it would really help the reader to have change the color! XD -
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I've changed the background and fonts colors, if you'd like to check it out now you can. Thanks for the comment I always appreciate them!
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Reading this, I could understand the feeling of desperation as someone is "falling" away from theirself. I always love writing that is set up a little differently... this format suits your words perfectly.
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Thank you for the comment, They're always appreciated!
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this sounds a hell of a lot like a section from one of my poems lol. which has piqued my interest... good luck
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Really? Which one? I'd like to read it! I've never read any of your works before so now you've perked my curiousity. Anyway, Thank you for the comment, I appreciate it very much!
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I don't have anything critical to say other than the color of the text mixed with the background color made it really hard to read, but other than that I thought it was well penned and liked the structure of the poem a lot. Well done I'd applaud but my points are, well, 0. lol.
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lol, Thank you anyway, I appreciate the comment very much!
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Nicely done! The red against the blue is ok, but it was a b it hard on my eyes at first. Lovely form, and excellent use of words
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Thank you for the comment, I truely do appreciate it!
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i think this says a lot about what you have been thinking about, but it is just guesses, but i know i like it, keep it flowing and i have a question did it help any to let this out?
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Eh, I guess it might have helped. I've been trying to write a good dark/angst poem for a long time but never came up with one that I like. I've got another that I'm posting soon that is very much the same genre as this one but very different text. Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you liked it!
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