Did you love me once?
Maybe for a minute?
Perhaps after a glimpse
of my disheveled hair,
looking almost no different
than it did when
I fell asleep next to you?
You're gone now
from the land of 'love me.'
It didn't work out.
Through no fault of our own,
though fault lies with no one but us.
Us, and timing.
Blame me. It's okay.
I know you do.
And that's okay too,
because late at night,
when no one is looking,
I blame me too.
But I don't regret it.
Any of it.
I don't regret
throwing my life
to the wayside
to try to make you smile.
I don't even regret
the five rented months
in Hell we shared.
Though I knew they
were a bad plan
when I cried the day
we got there.
And I don't regret
when we both cried
the day i told you I was done
for the third,
and final, time.
Because you're happy now.
Or you've become
a magnificent liar.
She makes you smile.
Part of me hopes you smile
the way you used to with me.
And part of me hopes
those were special,
for me.
But I see it in your eyes,
she makes you smile.
And now I sit here
At 4:44 in the morning
At the job where i play cards
and read poetry
for thirteen dollars an hour,
Thinking about the cute boy i met
who is 'in to' me,
and whom I, in turn,
and 'in to.'
And I think to myself
that 'in to' is a good
place to be with someone
you met a week and a half ago.
And that makes me think of you.
Because we were young and dumb,
and willing and eager to believe
that you could really love someone
you met a week and a half before.
A word of advice,
Every time something bad happens,
you don't have to profess your 'love'
to fix it.
I would have stayed with you anyway,
because I thought I was in love.
And I wonder,
because of the nature of
our first "I love you"
(which was really "I'm sorry"
just by two people who didn't know better)
If you ever really did love me.
If you ever got a chance to.
Or if, having been robbed of
a real first 'I love you'
by a horrible mistake
and a childish 'I'm sorry'
that was all your 'love' was...
'sorry.'
It makes sense...
We'd get into arguments
and when neither of us
could handle anymore
we said "I love you"
like a bandage over a stab wound
and walked around bleeding
saying to anyone who'd notice,
"No, it's okay. See? He loves me."
But now our time of
bandaged "I love yous"
has passed, and
hopefully, we'll both be
smart enough to know
the difference from now on.
So, here I am, playing cards
to keep me awake
to make rent for the place we used to share.
Thinking about the boy i met
a week after we ended,
to keep from thinking about
you and the girlfriend you
got a few days before that.
(And i hope you two have it easier
than you and I, having been friends first.)
And I think about this boy,
and our mutual "in to"s
and i wonder if that's all I'll ever have.
All I'll ever deserve.
But then I think for a minute,
and I don't want to be in "I love you"s again.
Not yet at least.
And I realize that,
Yeah, 'in to' is all I need right now,
and the future can just wait it's turn.
But I still can't help
but wonder...
Did you love me?
Once?
Author notes
Written about my ex-fiance.
A contest entry
- Touch my heart by MysticalRayne.
450 points, ended January 7, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want a lot of poems... by love my jose luis.
900 points, ended February 21, 2008, 125 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - strong feelings by Violent Glass.
425 points, ended March 3, 2008, 67 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Something Sad by LittleDecoy.
900 points, ended August 31, 2008, 85 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this poem is beautiful.
it's so emotion-filled, and it took me back to where i was at one point after my breakup [which i was also in that relationship for 5months] so i could relate to a lot of this poem.
i wish i could pick out a few lines that really spoke to me but the whole thing was wonderful.
keep writing!! =D and good luck in my contest.
-
wow
this is so full of feeling i loved it
especially when you say ''like a bandage over a stab wound and walked around bleeding''
i loved this great write
thanx for entering -
This poem has a lot of feeling in it. I like it. -Tearyeyed
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Wow, I really liked this poem, it almost made me cry mainly because this is what I feel like I am dealing with right now. I know that you put a lot of emotions out here and I like that. Great write and good luck in my contest.
~Maria -
This was definitely a good write, but it does not pertain to the subject at hand. Re-read the rules of the contest and re-enter a new poem if you would like...
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This was beautifully written and we can a relate being "there" once and I used to wonder the same thing - would I ever really find true love. Best of luck in the contest
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I really love this poem .... Such honesty . such emotion so hidden depth .... I hope you win that contest nif you dont it would be a real let down on the judges part ..... Its such an amazing poem
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