Into the night my eyes peer
upon velvet soft wintry skies.
Stars sparkling, moon glowing
across the country hillside.
Placing a candle in my window;
to gloam your way home.
Fireplace burning bright;
whinnying music of black stallions
prancing the icy roads once lined with
fragrant beautiful wildflowers.
No more precious then each flake
weaving natures blanket so grand.
The silhouette of our embrace
engraved against a lover’s moon.
Is how I remember inclement
snowstorms; blooming blizzards-
my darling hurrying home.
A contest entry
- Winter by AJ Morelli.
1000 points, ended January 23, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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thanks so much for entering, i believe "gloam" is a noun...
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AJ
I edited the word to read better.....
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The poem is very stimulating, I can see and hear the things you say, I like it but it just seems to lack a little bit of fluidity.
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thanks for sharing
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I really like a lot of the metaphor here and the sentiment, but the language is rather difficult and stilted to read for me.
For example, the very first line is a little clunky with the verb at the end like that. Line 6: 'gloaming' as a verb? not sure if it works really. I guess if it were my poem I'd give it a bit more structure (stanzas) and simplify it here and there. I hope that helps. -
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Animarising
Thank you for reading I changed one word......
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The silhouette of our embrace
engraved against a lover’s moon.
Is how I remember inclement
snowstorms blooming into blizzards;
my darling hurrying home.
those lines were the most beautiful of all, and the whole things swept me away. the visions were immaculate and intricate and all pinned up in one moment so perfectly. i simply love it.this is a wonderful poem you have written.
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Sidra Sabella
Thank you for reading hope you enjoyed....
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