*
i am of moon
and water,
and in your light,
i am full
the sky is
cleaved by stars
envious to bear
such radiance as this,
but i have
absorbed and
reflected all
you are that
much of me
in this
i know
i am counted
among the saved
*
Author notes
thank you for the inspiration
In a list
A contest entry
- ~ she paused, squinting at the sky ~ by Heart Sutra.
2200 points, ended January 5, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! by Kevin.
400 points, ended January 15, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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nicely done. Amazing start to it, nicely conveys the feeling and strength of attachment. Could still wish for some more details..
'you are that much of me', what does this mean? Why is it indented? is it it's own stanza perhaps? Kind-of makes sense, but needs another newline then.
among the saved.. is this a god/jesus-reference? if not, defining oneself as the object as one's love seems kind of depressing too? Is this returned? The description feels very one-sided...
beautifully written!
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Thank you, Kevin, for your critique
“you are that much of me” is a reference that the moon cannot shine on it’s own, without an outside source, i.e., the sun, and means that the person in the poem is just “more” with the person she is referencing, if that makes sense—it is directly tied to the stanza before with “and in your light, i am full”…second stanza as well—“i have absorbed and reflected all” and therefore “you are that much of me”--it's mostly a sun/moon reference
“you are that much of me” is indented for no other reason than I wanted it to be
“among the saved” is not necessarily a God/Jesus reference, and definitely is not either a reference to one-sided love--what is wrong with singing the praises of who makes you happy? It really was intended to be a positive poem, lol. As far as any religious reference goes—I don’t think you have ever read any of my work, but religious references are strewn about almost everything I write (not everything, but a lot)..I guess it’s just my trend right now…
And the whole poem was based on a prompt for another contest, so maybe that’s why it’s a little confusing for this contest—I just hoped that you would have liked it and would have considered it.
Thank you again for your comment—I very much appreciate your take on it.
Saffron
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Fun to hear your responses a beautiful piece!
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LOVE.
+Finalist.
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thank you very much
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and still this is wonderful
m -
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Thank you~~this is the only poem, or one of the very few at least, that I have written (not as a collaboration) that I like.
Thank you again for the compliment
Saffron
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Congratulations on the gold. This is simply brilliant.
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Thank you very much
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I'm a sucker for free verse and even more so for simplicity. I swear I've read this thing six times and I really want to find something wrong with it... but there's nothing I can think of. (Given that you asked me for an honest critique, I feel like I'm letting you down!
)
Really, though, this is excellent. An age-old relationship in the cosmos and where most poets would be happy simply to toss around names and constellations and hope it made a poem, you put a spin on the relationship that not only surprises me but is staying with me. Partially because I was trying to formulate my thoughts on this, I got up in mid-comment and went to do a few other things in my house - and the line "I have absorbed and reflected all / you are that much of me" just kept ringing in my ears. A haunting sort of piece.
Now I'm going to have to scour your other pieces and look for something to critique - but for now, I really can't say I see much wrong with this at all.
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Thank you for your critique~~you are quite generous.
Saffron
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good
I liked this poem. Love the line: "envious to bear
such radiance as this"
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I liked this
Such refreshment..mac
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I love the theme and the simplicity of it!
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I love this. The idea that we are one with the universe is so beautiful. It makes me yearn to go sit out in the countryside somewhere and look up at the sky.
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I can understand the skies envy, again the graces with the words! As always, another write that speaks differently each time I read it.
a marvel.
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wow. i like this.
its very....beautifully spun.
It does have an idea of religion in the ending....not sure if that is intentional or not, but thats what it brings into my mind.
other than that though, its a very beautiful poem. Not that the religious ideals would diminish that beauty, just a thought on that part.
If i make any sense at all, you deserve an award for being able to understand me. SOrry about that....
XOXO~Dreamwriter -
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congratulations. r
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thank you
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beautiful. fresh and compelling. well penned
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Thank you very much
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Stunning
Congrats on a WELL deserved award. Made me feel clumsy by comparison.
Peace, Rob
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Thank you very much, Rob. I appreciate your kind words more than I can tell you.
Saffron
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yes...
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Amazingly beautiful, this piece really touches the soul. Congratulations on the gold, so well deserved!
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Thank you I so appreciate your kind comment
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I must agree with Everyone. This is filled with life, light, and love. It is most BEAUTEOUS!
Yes my dear...you are; "counted among the saved". EXQUISITE!
I always give a hefty, welcomed sigh of calm, and serenity after reading your works poet! Thank you for this entry and all the best to you in the comp.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Renee,
Thank you very much~~you always leave the most wonderful comments
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i agree with the others- this is beautiful
m
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Thank you very much
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This is beautiful. I love it. I wouldn't change a thing. Ever.
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WOW!! this is sooo good.
Sensational penning well done.
Delila
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Thank you for your kind words
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I agree with Zayra, this is beautiful poetry - yes, brilliant. Loved what you did here. This one glows, it glows from within. An excellent entry.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you very much, Nicolette
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You dear, are a beauty.
Thanks -
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Thank you
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bloody brilliant....
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wow!
when you decide to come out into the night and shine, you sure know how to do it with heart, soul and luminiousity.
beautiful...truly
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Thank you so very much, dear Zayra
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Salutations and celebrations. You are known and recognized, baptized in love and recognition.
Beautifully done. Deliberate, sharp and vibrantly spoken.
Love, Tom B.
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Thank you, Tom. I hope you have a wonderful year to come
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