Winter came without warning,
As cold as your heart,
your stare gave frostbite.
Lost in the change of season,
you gave up on me
and I fell down so hard.
The wind howling too loud,
strange echoes fight with me.
your tongue was laced with ice,
as you spat those cruel words.
We were happy once,
it was like spring.
But then you turned on me,
you left me in the cold.
yes, it's true what they say;
Winter comes without warning.
A contest entry
- Winter by AJ Morelli.
1000 points, ended January 23, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Should Have Won PW Bests by InMyFlames.
430 points, ended January 23, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest For Teens by xTomorrowx.
750 points, ended February 3, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything To Do With Love, Good or Bad by Blooming Poet.
385 points, ended February 12, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
cold winter and the pain of love go hand in hand in this lovely poem. sad but amazing
-
This is written really well, I love the metaphors in it and I'm sure there's a great story behind it...
It's beautiful =)
Thanks for entering! -
wow...this is a very powerful poem...this is one of those amazing poems i wish i had wrote. awesome!
-
I liked the phrases you used here. "strange echoes fight with me" I like the sense of confusion they portray. Really good imagery
-
"As cold as your heart,
your stare gave frostbite." boy does that sound like someone i know, thanks for your entry -
thanks everyone for the encouraging responses to my poem
-
Like The Use...........................
of metaphors here such as stare of frostbite and tongue laced with ice. Such imagery really does bring abot a frosty chill to this poem thus connecting very well with your poem.I had a bitter cold picture in my mind as this person turns on you and leaves you feeling as though Winter truly came without warning!!!Very Nice Job!!!! Thanks fro sharing with me today!!!~~Toni~~
-
wow, you're 13... this is a really nice piece
very good use of image and metaphor, keep up the good work
al -
Like the metaphors in these lines, the alliteration and the flow of the poem. Winter related to character here works well.
-
Very perceptive
This is a nice metaphor regarding the sudden hardening of someones heart. When love leaves the relationship, you can almost feel the ice creeping through their veins until their heart feezes over like a lake in winter. With every breath you can hear the ice crackling and popping in their chest.
Good imagery!
CaliOkie
-
Great write!
Wow. I liked this one a lot, probably because I can totally relate to it. "Your stare gave frostbite" and "Your tongue was laced with ice." I love those lines. Very nice use of imagery. I also love how you began and ended the poem with the same idea. Very nice job. Keep up the great writing!
-
Ah, this is much better than what I usually find on here
Don't let that get to yer head (lol). Good job though, eh?
Now you've done a good job. Think about reading it and feel the rhythm. Is it everything you want to hear and feel in a poem? How do the sounds taste, as they vibrate in your mouth? How do they sound in the voice box?
Do you have the phrasing down pat? I mean, how are the stops and pauses, the glides and eleisons?
Try memorizing it.
Good job.
-
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!
This is so hauntingly sad!!! I was like, what is she on about at the start but when I understood it was so sad!!!!!! Meh!! **CRYS**
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
